i want to reverse time…but i cant! Wednesday, Aug 31 2005 

in the past punzshyt 11:56 pm

So its begins…..

11.56pm : i cannot lie to myself…everynite..every minutes…im suffering with this feelin..i wish it never happened…i wish i can turnback time, so i dont have todo all this…all the faults…now i’m having thoughts in my mind that’s haunting me really badly.i wish i can go through all these!…everytimes i pray for the strength…fightin all this…!!all alone… then i feel alone.How’s he? im afraid to predict how he’s goin…!?with whom?..and till now,i still write bout how i feel, bout how i fight all these…hopefully i can stop it…but my thought keep circulating..thinking…so much things!…maybe im the one who think this way! ..=(

i still the same person…never changed..!my thought,my mind and my heart… and, and dont worry i definately knows..the reality..but!me is me…!!im ok..but, i still missed all the beautiful things…knowing that it wont happened again. but, i still live with that memories…..always!!it shamed to live with it ..somethings that never exist…but,it already happened..a part of my longest dream combined with my stupidity.

owh…i dont know…what else todo!..i done my assg!finitto!!..i already did some revision…i already called mum..!hmm…i shall sleep early..now..tmrw class at 8.00am..

gud nite…sweet dream…miss him…

 

somethings that ppl might know/ not know bout me… Wednesday, Aug 31 2005 

in the past punzshyt 10:48 am

So its begins…..

these inspired by my frenz, ..well..doin somthing back..hmm and apparently i dont have nothings better todo right now!!… *bored*

  1. i love purple + pink
  2. i am obsessed with my laptop.
  3. im not wearing any make-up…stopped using it since this trims…when im goin out, just wear moisturiser,lipgloss, black eye liner and a lil bit of blusher..
  4. i think much of somethings
  5. hmm..sensitive..but, sometimes…i cant show it…stored in in myhart.
  6. i love to laugh..
  7. sing in the shower…hihi
  8. love perfume..
  9. i love to go shoppin…*thats normal for a gal*
  10. i love my BIM lecturer, he’s so flexible!!
  11. i am slightly paranoid..
  12. i love mybed…so-so much
  13. sometimes..im fussy…sometimes…im not.
  14. i’m easy person to deal with..
  15. im too secretive..i keep lotsa secret!in my secret garden!
  16. hardly trust people..
  17. senang kesian kat orang…wlapun org tu…dah buat kite sakit hati..
  18. hmm…im not matured!childish
  19. im not rely on myown self!..im not independent
  20. i love groovin…myself…inthe car!while hearin a song..while driving!!
  21. i love musics…so damn much…i cant live without it!
  22. i might not look like it, but i am constantly thinking. i don’t think i would ever stop thinking. Except when i’m sleeping.
  23. i like Math…and account thingys…
  24. i cant swim..hehe
  25. i love to make spontaneous jokes!
  26. im alone person!pity-pity..
  27. i love a person that wont love me!
  28. i want to be beautiful…to be love.. (hehe..dramatic)
  29. hehe…i love to pleeeeaaseee ppl… ! 24-7 people pleaser..hardly say NO to my frenz!
  30. i love watching movie…!!

* i wont give up…to myself…!no matter what happened..i’ll proof to myself…everythings that i determined to…. and be myself…love myself…more than i love anybody else!=)

spend…petang2 berjoging….alone….chazinnngg the winddd blowww….!!!besh!

 

*touched* Wednesday, Aug 31 2005 

in the past punzshyt 12:18 am

So its begins…..

hmm rase sgt touched* biler……kite rase down ngan diri kite….bile kite rase diri kite tak cantik.. biler rase rendah diri..then tetibe… there’s one guy, a frenz…bg kite rase happy balik…bile die puji kite…then, adviced kite..somethings….& saying that ur r beautiful… thanks…i really appreciate..that.

*listening to My 1st lady : nver be replaced*…

baby i love u…and i’ll never let u go…

nite.

 

FINAL SCHEDULES..29 Sept – 7 Oct 2005! =(( Tuesday, Aug 30 2005 

in the past punzshyt 12:07 pm

  • So its begins…..

  • BIM1014 (29-09-2005) MORNING —
  • BOB2024 (02-10-2005 ) AFTERNOON –
  • LAE1014 (04-10-2005 ) AFTERNOON –
  • BMS2024 (04-10-2005 ) MORNING –
  • BHR2034 (07-10-2005 ) AFTERNOON –

 

busy,.. Tuesday, Aug 30 2005 

in the past punzshyt 10:07 am

So its begins…..

*lastnite tido cyberia… sbb ade meeting ngan group LAE, napelah dieorang nak buat kat situ…dahlaa aku satu-satunye duk kat hostel, satu hal nak gi sane sorang2 =(, then terpaksalah tido rumah Iqa..!!

pagi2..ni dah ade test LAe..adeh!nasib baik cam ok..takla pening pale!hehe..then, trus balik bilik…perghh ngantuk….nak buat assg!settle sumer benda! lagi satu project Adv stat …adeh!biler nak buat nie???huhuh…

*dapat offline msg! he won the..presentation…wah..bangga utk dia..wish him lotsa luck for the national plak 10/9 nie.., know he can do it!*and i always pray forhim.!=)InsyaAllah..

*dem..sakit perut..periodpain…yg tak mengizinkan aku gi class..12-2 td..=(..

*ptg cam bese..main badminton ngan sha..then, walking2…

* SELAMAT HARI MERDEKA… hmm 48thn dah..hmmm, well…takgi mane2 laa…dok je kat hostel nie…;)

*teringat mlm merdeka sthn yg lpas…!sedih…happy..ntah laa…still live with memories!wont forget….lonely giler laaa rase aduh!sabarr jer kan?ntah la…. nak buat ape?tatau laa… nak chat ker?…tak kose nak buang mase ngan org yg tak kenal…ish..teruskan jelah kan, rasa camni…takde ape2 pun leh kite buat…issh…tolonglaa… Allah je tau! sabar aight!

 

hmm.. Monday, Aug 29 2005 

in the past punzshyt 6:14 pm

So its begins…..

settle assigment!!busy..!

spend evenin..main badminton ngan shasha…

 

=(..miss him badly… Sunday, Aug 28 2005 

in the past punzshyt 2:59 pm

So its begins…..

im so sad…!and i dunno why…i shops lotsa things… i spend..hundredssss of ringgit..but…i just cant help myself..out from this feeling..Ya Allah…everytimes i tried..but i cant…it was so sad…when i heard other ppl that happy with their love ones…talk to their loves..when they said…they miss their love ones so much!urghh….and at that moment, i fl like i was dying…only God knows…how i feel…!but now…i feel so lone…so sad…so curious…i feel like noone care bout me…no man!!and i feel like now…he slowly become….far…and far…from me…maybe, he already meet someone else…maybe..=(!..i dont wanna know…

hmm…yah! i shops lotsa things… !!and maybe next week ade date shoppin ngan my cousin plak!huhuh….penatt* drive from Cj to SunwayPyramid…back to Cj..then gi putrajaya and back to Putrajaya..last2 2.20am baru naik hostel. completely,12 hours shopping…biarlah, kuar mlm…pagi..its sound bad, but entah laa…..im too depressed to be alone inthis room.and everytime i think bout him…my tears gonna cry..expecially weekends..=(!…and i know…i’d been cruel to him…evil…im sorry..

i know mmyself…

who i am…

but, im just an ordinary gal…can i cry again now…

who deserve me?….

3.17am…please…i miss every single things, deep things..and now i wanto close my eyes…i wish i can have beautiful dream..one last dream, to make me feel happy again..for one last hope..with mylonely soul.gudnite.helpme..

 

yeyeh… Sunday, Aug 28 2005 

in the past punzshyt 1:15 pm

So its begins…..

lalala…turun 1.5kg lagi!…

ok nak gi shopping!! sunway pyramid…with my honey*… i know we cool… ;)

 

please remember me… Saturday, Aug 27 2005 

in the past punzshyt 8:12 pm

So its begins…..

*2nd weeks…*
ordinary saturday!!kemas2 bilik then, lunch with syida & mye..

doin LAE assg… then, at 6pm gi jogging ngan Syida.. then borak2, lotsa things..lotsa advices.. etc!told me bout her fiance..and her love story!..*sweets*..told me, camner die leh kurus! etc2..well, wonderful evening..

i saw him *available* but…he dont greet me…yah,maybe he was busy..& who am i!well..i dont want to disturb him..im scared…i wish i can ask him somethings…but..i cant!..what he was doin? and tonite…die gi badminton ker?…issit he ok?dah makan?..i wish i can ask him the same questions everyday…urghh…

im down…sad to think bout it.=(.miss him badly..urghh..what should i do?i dont want to be anything other than what ive been trying to be lately,i hv to think of me and have peace of my mind….i feel suck again!maybe i shuld come to the conclusion that maybe this is what that been written in the books for mine. Maybe letting go is not that bad, just have to take it and make the best of it right? it’ll be one hard cold journey forme, but i know i’ll be able to pull it through..slowly, but..till now..its still same..i dont know why?!but i’ll try tobe strong!..
=(…knowing that,he’ll find someone else..absolutely…the person that i love to death…i hope he’ll find someone that can suit him..love him much..care him..find his own true love.pray for that. im sorry..im sorry…

*and tonite… becoz of this,i just hurt..someone!*sorry*underpressure brought me to become sodamn cruel person on earth sometimes..i shuldnt do it again!..im sorry..i dont want to lose any frenz anymore.

As long as there’s today, there’s hope.and when there’s hope, there’s tomorrow. And im sure as long as we live for today, we’ll live for tomorrow..InsyaAllah..

 

hold on… Friday, Aug 26 2005 

in the past punzshyt 11:38 pm

So its begins…..

well,hari nie….lotsa things had happened.. from morning, aku duk fikir wether nak balik or tak…takut! hadapi any possiblity alone without him… so last2 tak jadi balik…ntah la..biler ayah call nak blk ke tak.. then i said no!…continue day, settle few assg..BIM..till end coz nak submit esok!lepas hbs assg.. then, tetibe syida plead me..ajak kuar tengok movie…*HErbie*..so, siap2.. pegi Sunway Pyramid.. with shash@, mye,syida and nita..! before movie start bout 9.10pm, sempat lagi aku beli sandal! hehe… yah!mmg few days..ni.. i spend my day out!!and…since that day.. i love to spend maself out..ntah laa.. shoppin… the only way..to release..the sadness..* best sangat citer Herbie tu* hehe..chomel sgt Herbie…then habis movie bout 11pm sumting, then..spend times… bergambar.. hehe.. pastu, gi Putrajaya plak….minum2.. then sambung gambar2 kat bridge… 2 sumting baru sampai hostel! lagi satu kijer giler… but… who’s care for me right?… i dont have anyone… all i have now..is myown self..!..i miss every single things…but i cant… im too far..im a hopeless jerk!..im alone.

when they said… u still have your choices…but,i feel like…fornow i just want tobe alone..!my hp is dead..even theres no wish…nite or morning!my fault!i kknow myself,aint beauty,aint perfect,liar but…one thing… now, i am what i am…real me!..i accept that!well..timewill tell what will happen…i’ll be waiting
*perghhh… sabar je nafsu nak makan Mc D mlm ni… dah beli..tapi tak sanggup nak mkn mlm2! ishh…!!bahyer2…

*nak update fotopages*

 

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