love letter Saturday, Jul 30 2005

So its begins…..

*LOVE LETTER TO SY*d*……………please remember…

we had a really passionate conversation just now.!i also halfly flyin through our emotion and imigination that he made. Hmm.. the way he expressed his words and i knew, that he really mean it. And every words mean somethings… means he loves me..dont wanna letgo me.. miss me.. !!

Sy#d,

a person that i knew long time ago..from Dec 13 03, till now.. where there so much flow that keep goin until this stage….so long time. Miracle!are we meant together…arent we??? pondered back to the memory long time ago,i never realize him dulu..seriuouslyyy…9month pluss i been studied in YPMBangi..
until i finished my matriculation,and he was thre!JAD? ahaha..but, why dont we know each other at that time?!*weird*…then the virtual,online..cyber.internet…brought us together,dated as 13Dec2003.. i knew him…a long journey between us!when he was in Japan, he keeps calling me..chatting and almost everyday.. till now.. ahaha.. with lotsa beautiful&bitter things happened ,with other person other gurl,with laugh and tears, with pain with no cure!with wound with love, with hopes and dreams…ahaha..!!i still rmmber i called him *romeo*, ahaha.. sweet talker or watsoever.i still remember all.. all that had happened between us! i still remember when i was so damn jealous…im sad… and shivering , and sakit perut at the same time…when i tried to call him.. and his phone was enggaged!remember????????? this si really true…i still remember when i had to called her…i still remember what happened after that,i still remember when he really mad at me becoz of the stupid blog , i still remember when i’d been urged to write somethings in my blog,to make sure other ppl feel calm,ok and satisfied,feel been love again…and i can still feel the pain when i feel like i’d been ignored … i still can feel the pain when i ‘d been throw away..from the person that i love to death, i still remember when i definitely lost my hope….,I STILL REMEMBER WHEN I BECOME SO FOOL SUSPICIOUS EVERYDAY…AND I KEEP THINKING NEGETIVELY…AND DRIVING LIKE CRAZY…i still remembered all.. coz its still haunt me sometimes. and with all the hurts and wounds i still love him… i still have gut and patience to love him, no matter how hurt & really hurt i was…..!its scared me.

its not easy forme to say i love u…or to love someone……
i want you to know, that i love u… not only now… i love u…when i the first time i said i love u…i want you to know…i still remember everythings… now.. for the sweetest things… i remember your laugh, your smiles… your snored(hehehe), i remember u sang to me, your songs that u gave me…i remember the way you treat me… i ‘ll remember.. you calling me “sayang”…. i’ll remember… our chemistry…instinct that always be the same……i’ll remember your good night wishes. i remember your warm kisses…i remember ur imigination…& i want remember all… all about us, and i hope you will remember it too…!!! and… thanks for every lil big things that u already gave me… you not only gave your love,your sweet words… but you also gave me your heart, that if i gotta chance… i wanto take care of it…more and more!thanks…syedz i love u… i really do, from the bottom of my heart…i cant wait to see him tomorrow..ehh today!!! i miss you syed!so much…with all my hart with all my hopes..I WANT TO BE WITH YOU….IF I COULD…IF MY DREAM & HOPE COMES TRUE…

do you still remember??

sincerely and lotsa love,hope;

Ayue…

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=( Friday, Jul 29 2005

So its begins…..

*i changed my layout*blueee weeeeiiiii….

firstly,i dunno where to start,maybe in the middle or at the beginning, or perhaps i would just write about the ending .Oh shit!unpleasant thought are coming into myhead in rapid speed, i have like asking myself so many times..hmm..i feel alone now…why is that? i really want a good friend .i know i probably have a friend that close to me, but sometimes when theres a time i feel that its not like once upon time,long ago or like “dolu-dolu”. well, i dont know… i dont have one.any! urghh..i feel mixed up completely mixtured with irking stuffs. i need it badly. No, its not becoz i wanna cry..just i dont have a good time here.here in my room.in this time for instance, i nd someone to talk with.urghh i feel bad.& sad; should i be sad?or i should ignore this feeling?and sometimes i feel like all mylife is hovering with lonely& misery.please stopppeddddddddddd!i dont want to think bout how mylife will goes…!its still blur…unpredictable..

i have to learn accept that life is a very long journey filled with different types of experiences and emotions.there’s too many things happened in mylife,preety good things and bad things,bitter and sweet.. all i can do now is view the past positively, release all the bitter and miserable feelings and then only i can move resolutely forward,with someone beside me.Always…with him.Ya Allah…help me..Amin.

why must i tellin all this???.down..down

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i love & i miss him Thursday, Jul 28 2005

So its begins…..

i miss him.

i love him. so many thousands times i already said that 3 words.

but words aint enough to prove the truth.~issit?but i always pray for somethings.for my hopes to become reality.

“Words, words and more words. You’ve been dealing with nothing else for days, and you’ve just about had it — but you can’t dismiss the subject yet. Someone needs an answer, and you’re the only person who can provide it.”

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*keeps tellin me…* Wednesday, Jul 27 2005

So its begins…..

he keeps telling me that he need me. he keep telling me that he wants me. love me & miss me…cant wait to see him.Miss him.much!!sampai kite due dah demam2 ni.issit that means somethings?huge chemistry between us?!means that moi pour toi.wateva words cant describe, that i dont know.well, i feel the same way too…noone can screwup our rlship.only me & u and both of us love,care each other! love you sayang:X

p/s: properly takes your medicine ehh!!;)dont forget.

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fight & love Tuesday, Jul 26 2005

So its begins…..

lastnight,we had fight again, & i think that,lately we argue a lot… and often because of something so small.. and often we end up being upset, no matter who was wrong or right… … and i knew,we never really want to be in a fight actually, coz it will hurt.i knew he didnt mean it. but takpelah. end up with *berdamai* sayang each other*miss and i love & kiss..him…terus settle pasal rajaprepaid tu.!and..tdo nearly 3.00am. hehehe..*imigination*dream* etc-etc. love u sayang much…thats all i want to say.and i know u love me too.Thanks…

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112227477583458687 Monday, Jul 25 2005

So its begins…..

3 days with homesweet home mood!ntah aaa.. cry,laugh..smiles at the sametimes byk benda yang kene fikir.im not reaally happy tobe myself now. i know i shouldnt think -ve way. but…ntah aaa..rase letih hari nie. & i nd rest lots.!sorethroat again.

*myself that u dont even know*aku tak suke hutang..and if i hutang i’ll make sure i’ll pay it back as soon as possible.plz do trust me. yah..aku tau aku sensitive coz im not tht kinda person.plz lah. i know i susahkan dia.im sorry. i know he loves me much also. but trust me.if i promise 2u nommtr apepun jadi i’ll make it.

i knew,maybe this sound simple..but not forme.

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me… Thursday, Jul 21 2005

So its begins…..

*there’s somethings he probably dont know bout me.when he asked bout my frenz etc. yah!i should think +ve.but.. i still blaming myself sometimes.and rase srendah diri to him or org lain. =(…i choose to be like this.so, i have to move on.keep goin.#think somethings in brighter way.i still gotta chance!

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wrong or right? Wednesday, Jul 20 2005

So its begins…..

lastnite i cried. i was so dem sad! he made me feel that way. but its all my fault.i have to learn understand him better.and same goes to him. not only me.he said this is the ongoin process we understand each other well. urghh.. i was so pressured, why i must understand ppl, not only him but others. why should i?ooohh liyaaa!

and today.something&everythings was wrong.im not recover yet. mate bengkak, pale cam pening & i also bad dream. why?or why? asking so many questions to myself with no answer at all.stupid dream.screwup.made me sick!sad and etc.moron!!!

i miss everything that smells home. i miss my mum,my cat, the tv,mybed & everything. i miss the simplicity of living at home. i want to go back more than anything else in this whole wide world now. just have to endure 2 days more.hopeso.yey!

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truth.. Tuesday, Jul 19 2005

So its begins…..

he put down the phone. Demi Allah, i want to talk nicely at first.nice things to him. once again i hurt.really.enough. i know he will blame me,blame me for everythings.why he hurt me when i nd him most?.i really miss him,but…

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numb Monday, Jul 18 2005

So its begins…..

*numb*

*something circulating in myhead*!

…

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