urgh …. Monday, May 16 2005

So its begins…..

*helpless*

from early inthe morning..i can see , well of tears in my eyes!*seriously SHIT..SHIT..SHIT..i feel like i cant take it anymore-im soooorryy mum!*alone* with all the fight i had with him lastnight,makes me sick enough..that matters also been burden in my brain,..man!i’m not brave enough,strong…i feel weak!physically and mentally..ppl said,you have to have a guts to go thru this?OOhh …of coz i have,tho i keep,crying everytimes when the really painful and terrible comes…but i still have that guts,I knew, there’s a reasons for all this, i keep myself with my guts coz, i know rarely the guts failed me,eventho sometimes i nearly give up.

*waiting for my abah*i cant drive- goin to KL for short while..

*urgh*kill-kill-kill, die-die-die!!second day period is urgghh.*i hate when it comes to this stages,and abnormal period circulation ,i feel tired,i hate this flow of blood*

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and Sunday, May 15 2005

So its begins…..

who really cares??forme?..streaming of tears..cameout from my eyes.I feel empty inside this pitch of my dark room,and its hurt, i mean the emptiness and loneliness is realy unbearable!i’m full of tears!*pressured and sadness.Before,I only think to one person,at least to bring back my haappiness BACK..& at least to cheer me BACK..but ?TRUST…why?*what else do you need fromme??where is ur rational?!!i’m sorry..to hear your sorry..but seriously your words really hit me todeath..he lil bit screw my hart.i feel disappointed..seriously,i neva said this word…to the person that i love so much.but now i really feel and mean it.

**lotsa2 things happened today**of cozbout mum..cant write all in this!coz it really tearful & painful..horrible day.urrghh..cant help myself,cant write much.

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and now.. Saturday, May 14 2005

So its begins…..

morning!today seems to be OK!mum tend to eat some foods and she said the poisons is already gone!yah right!so..for breakfast i just cooked cekodoks,telur rebus and hot nescefe.But mum sstill talking something ridiculous,that really dont make sense at all.Paktih and my abang sepupu yangsuck also came this morning!wateverlah..

*im bored right now* i was thinking bout mydear,this morning he misscalled or call but i didnt wakeup!wondering what he was doin right now yeh?man i love this guy..he’s absolutely attuned my hart,needs and soul..could it be?

*miracle..instinct watsoever..i just finished my sentence here, talking bout him,and he called me*hahah mcm tau-tau je syg!=)

wat todo?guess i wanto finish reading one story from the book then i will watch The Curse.and bout The Curse, it’s story about warewolf loose in LA..changes the lives of Jimmy and his sister,who after bein mauled by the beast,learn they must kill their attacker if they hope to change their fate and etc2.

*baru bgn tido*my head quite spinnin ..now.aahh!its hurt,gosh!*i duno wattodo,i thot mum is getting better but,its not ..but Thanks God one things cure was, she believed and had alil interest in food at home after i hardly tried few-few days to convince her.i do hope all the poisons suspicious thingys had been devastated .*

end..and to my dear,i love u so much & i mean it.

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*miss him* Friday, May 13 2005

So its begins…..

morning..

i wake up quite early this morning,msg-ed with my dear while he was in the lrt onlyway to Mara building.we keep sms until he sit on the bas & all the way to Penang. So,then i do my mundane ,i spend myday cleanup myhouse,washin clothes..and continue msg with mydear!ahaa..miss him..

hmm.. i went to Sban,and bought some dvds and book’The soul of success’,onthe way back my dear called me..hmm he told me that he already arrived at Penang..wonderful resort huh?wish me thre? and i do wish i was there too!

bored now!hmmm i wanna read some stories from the book!

buk:P

8.00pm: hmm just received sms from my dear ..”syg,i miss u to the max :*,td gi sban wat pe syg?awak g ngan mak ke?mkn pe td?kaki awak cane?dah sapu minyak gamat?hurm..miss u,miss u..luv u..”

hehe..”miss me to the max”..hee=)love love & love…

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*hard* Thursday, May 12 2005

So its begins…..

second entry for today*

all i see now is dark…there’s so much occurences that happened in my life that can’t even predict what is going to happen next…and i dont even expect all this will happened to me??if i started to think harder i become so scared, terrified to accept the future to come.i do thinks much with lotsa and lotsa things..my educations,my financial,my life..my works,my Birthday..my Hari Raya and much-much more…before this i m just spoilt lil gurl,i dont even do those things that i have todo now,but now?i have to carry all things on my shoulder!maybe ppl only can see, can gives all sorts of advices,man..i’m the only person who really feel it and face it! arghh..i do hope everthigs will back to normal,pray for that*…its so heavy,too heavy for me!!…i wanna cry now!cry..

below i dunno y i snapped that pic,srabut on my computer desk with my laptop and other extra stuffos:

*srabut thingys*

*my dear just called me..he just arrived safely at Cempaka, then to his uncle’s house at Pandan Indah.. hmm..we had.. 11minutes talked, wishing gudnite..love..miss.. and..kiss *hee..=)

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urgh.. Thursday, May 12 2005

So its begins…..

i dunno, i just hate today!early inthe morning i dah mad kat my dear,becoz lastnight he promised to call me back before sleep but die tak call!grrrr**man… ur know, i hate waitin..and givin hope nak call back pastu tak!yah..i know die tertido and tired, but i just hate the way it is..let me wait..full of hope!dont he know i’malone…i dunt have ppl to talk with here…gosh!i hate mylife now..i feel terribly suck!he call me before his worktime.. and say sori ,love u sayang awk…blabla…i just said “hmmm”..coz before that he just said he wont call me until he back from Penang!ya right..but..he called me.

i continue mysleeeepp…goshh oh!i think bout 3 times my phone ring and i had to answer all the called with my sleepy sexy voice!!haiih, Maklong called..my abah called..my paktih called.. haiaahh..everyones was askin bout mum!so i just answered the samethings for the same questions..haaih!!atlast i woke up nearly 10.00am..huuumm..with lotsa pening2.

hmm yah *penat* i wentout bout 2 times today,firstly to buy mineral water for mak at the mineral water factory near my grandma house, secondly i wentout to buy my mum mee soup ayam..guess after this i will go out for the third timeto buy fruits for mak.hmm..=(!!

guess i wanna sing a song*melly feat krisdayanti*-Cinta…

hmm i called him went he at home,busy fuckloaded his stuffs 4 bring to Penang,and tonight he will go to KL first, and by tommorow his trip to Penang will begin.hmm.. i dunno i feel sad, think pessimis again, i asked him “do u love me?” then.. he replied “of coz i love u..why u say like that?” i duno..hmm sensitives.=(.Then bile die nak bertolak,then he called me,”syg, saye nak pergi dah..and asked the same questions back to me.. love me tak?miss me tak?” hmm yes i do..lots!and he also replied the same answer to me.. “sayang sgt,rindu sgt”hmm.. mwah..take care my dear and i start to miss you now.

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111591506721792686 Thursday, May 12 2005

*take a bath*

*my fav things after bath*pure essential body powder & softlotion..calming

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and today!!! Wednesday, May 11 2005

So its begins…..

hectic a bit hectic,tired plus2,at the morning Maklong,Makcik Mah & Nek Limah came to myhouse, at first i thot sapelah dok hon2 kete infront of myhouse..great disturbance for my sleepin moment*hmmm then i opened the gate, they came to see my mum…hmmm a bit odd, ..mak still communicate nicely to Maklong,Makcik Mak and Nek Limah compared when if she saw my Paktih or Maktih..weird!*great compliment they gave tome-”cantik dak ayu ni dah besar..pandai serve, uat air..etc2″then,maklong wanna took mak for breakfast and i just stayed at house…cleanup house,washin clothes..etc2..haihh*tired*,Suddenly..my house phone ring, hmm Makcik Mah called.. she asked meto take mum at Clinic Yahya.. “huh??” wadda hell happened?so i rushly took 10minutes bath and zoom to clinic!hmm… then Maklong told me what happened..mum fainted..sekejap.. and die mmg nak ke Klinik Yahya..hmm ahaaa..then, she dont want to goback home, so i haveto wait..and wait.. and she said she wantedto wait for my abah to come!but, at last..after she bit calm,then agreed to go back!huh…at last!*patience my dear..*

at the evening my abah came, he brought a frenz..once again ,third trial to cure mum!but weird*nothing to reveal..nothing came out!hmm…i feel so upsad to see mum been treated liked that,she looked so weak..yah*for one reason maybe there’ssomething supernatural wateva ghost thingys… but, there’s still other possiblities…as medical science..innerfeeling-lonely depressed or paronoids stuffs*i dunno*!!so..if she been treated liked that,that might be some really bad consequences for her!hmm..*tears runnin down*hurm maybe should give a try one by one*

watchin The Aviator

i dunno y must i took this dvd pic!huh.. bosan~~

*blood..*shocked!urghh..i’m ok!dont have time forit*for myownself..coz right now i do think bout pplbeside me..mak & my dear,two ppls that i concerned much.two ppl that keep on mymind*two ppl for two reasons* and I HATE I HATE I HATE TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!stopped the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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111574744217807622 Wednesday, May 11 2005

patricz onbed..yeh!

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111574670449246148 Wednesday, May 11 2005

lovenote to mydear..

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