my precious..:) Saturday, Apr 23 2005

So its begins…..

morningg… mum seems weird! i’m worried…:(

i told him bout mum… and he tried to calm me, convinced me that everythin gonna be ok, and he asked me to call paktih..yah, paktih already knew…

i’m out with mum* but..it was not happy outing

hmm…. night, he called me.. and i asked him.. the questions that keep on mymind:(… aaa…i create a love story bet us…askin him.. why u choosed me..?becoz i suit him..hart & soul, and i asked why dulu u cant decide…then, he replied.. becoz he feel guilty to her… and now he realized, we cant love a person base on guilty… and he said he loves me from the start….and..and….but,i fl.. and i’m afraid if he changed,he said he loves meonly me…………………..Ya Allah, i do love him… i love him.. really…and love and i do love…but, can i???????????????? and i’m scared….i’m scared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i love him… and i always prays for us…Ya Allah, only You knows…. let my dream comes true…i love him..sayang sangat:). with thatt i end.

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sigh* Friday, Apr 22 2005

So its begins…..

morning…!=(..

worried….sedih….taktau nak buat ape..!confused!=(serious….!!i dont even care if probs nie bout my love story, not at this much of worried..but…this probs involves major,great2 things..!!why must me, burden all this..dugaan dari Allah…thanks to ppl that care bout it..serious..i’m scared..trauma…ni lah probs aku bile stayed at home,somethng was wrong…and i dont even know why?what was the cause..to him..u care much bout this.. but weird..y he always involves in this games..weird.. one of the player.

Ya Allah…please gimme strength to fight all this..i’m helpless..YA Allah..

hmm..i cried…seriously, i feel so much guilty.. i dont want him to get involved in my probs and this situation, i dont want to keep burden anyone..but, i nd someone beside me..i almost letgo him.. even hard for me..but i just cant, he wont let go me…he loves me.. deeply..and i can feel it.so much..how can i let sum1 like him go, how can i understand that’s allright..that everythings will change,how can i find the way to make i feel good bout mylife,instead of only breakin myhart..coz i know the hardest thng is wheneeva learned & tried is how to say gud bye…

i hate writing bout this emotion disorder….=(..i’msick..totally sick with my damn probs:(..i just wonderin what is the main cause for it?

he called me after work, he called me when home.. he asked me bout my mum..i told him that the same things was absolutely happened back!~hmm…he wanted to know everythings.. so, i told him..man, i dont want to..but he said, i’m part of his life..his hart..and mine is combined together…its ok. if we shared it.he was so damn nice…damn concerned bout me..he is myevrythings.. i love you syed..so damn much…we had so damn lamenye conversation,i afraid if he will paid lots for this month..end then.

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calm…stay calm… Thursday, Apr 21 2005

So its begins…..

miscal him & wake him up for subuh…then, suddenly he called me back =)…erks…please dont say..that words… i just cant help to hear it again.. itso deep and really meaningful…aaaaa… after i prayed, i call him back…just for a minute, just to make sure he already wake up & prayed… heee… but! boleh tak die tak bangun lagi?? …then.. he call me back… we had bout 15minutes talked…erkss.. once again..it was fulled of love,he is the apple of eye for me…InsyaAllah… we meet today! miss me?…

*sleeping…

*teman mak pergi pasar tani.. bought lotsa things, ikan ..udang..daging & sayur…=)..

hmm… i figured out…ppl still searchin .. read huh??i thought it was over but… damn is not yet!ok fine…i cant do noting.. ppl got their own curiousity..suspicious.. so keep findin..keep reading, keep stakering! =P..u smart ass!!..=)..i already feel this would happened.. my instinct was absolutely right!

i feel guilty after i msg her..tho..i knew, what am i sayinng is myown right, but..i’m still feel guilty*..=(.. comments : “curiosity kills the cat”.. i dont want to kill anyone..but.. i just cant help myself.

*my great2 probs came back!! damn…what is goin on actually??what wrongg??=(..my mum..!=(.i’m scared..really scared… Ya Allah, only you’ll help me..!thanks to him coz he always support me,comfort me..see eye to eye with him =(he called me…..he loves me that much..how can i reply back his love…Ya Allah…i neva lie this feeling towards him..i do mean.. and i want to love him..for eva..if i gotta chance..one singles chance..but..can i???my hope..my pray..for only hope…thanks..

keep callin me.. =) good night sayang.

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111400118542610322 Wednesday, Apr 20 2005

remembering lurvelybutterfly blog?

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111399979706812636 Wednesday, Apr 20 2005

remembering my deadblog?

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same ul daYz.. Wednesday, Apr 20 2005

So its begins…..

~when everything in urlife is right on track,it’s easy to believe that things happened becoz of reasons,easy to have faith..then when things start to go wrong so, its hard to hold on to that faith, its hard to wonder who’s reasons that things happened for,right?…~

morning… as ussual..he will called me.. before he went to work!4minutes.. and its enough for he to say i love u..i miss u…& i care for you.

same day..same routines..=)

hmm…

night..he already ordered brand new Gen2!-black=P

then,spend mytime watchin taken…while waiting for his call..but wondering, why he didnt call me yet?..then i called his hs..noone answered,i called his home,then as ussual abg Kamal was picked up the phone…i askedfor dear Syed..but then he said. syed was sleeping and kinda hard to wake him up! so i just said…it’s ok!dont wake him up…errr.. then, i continue watching Taken and i tried to call him back, but then autie was on the phone..or kak Intan..i’m not sure..huuu…then, i’m waiting..but then..suddenly abg Kamal replied me…huuu.. he said..”syed was dead slept! sampai contact lens pun tak tanggal…puas kejut..letih sangat kot..”then replied “owh… ingat die dah bgn…sori ye..ni abg kamal kan?”heee…blablabla…the conversation ended… so as the conclusion.. i just gave him sms…”do call me..when your wake up!”i continued watchin..the serries.. until the last 2 episodes and after that, i went to toilet…suddenly,my house phone ring!..huu.. i knew he’will called me…=)

* we haD lovely…conversation=) nearly 1 hour….and he do love & miss me..=)

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hurmmm…. Tuesday, Apr 19 2005

So its begins…..

he sms & called me this morning, thanks..at least, his voice might ease my wounds!hmm i feel guilty coz i mad at him, i’m not supposely act liked that..it was not his fault.sigh**my pms coz everythings to trouble =(..i’m sorry syg.

today~i’mgoin to lotsa plce..everythin i already mentioned in my friendster blog*

evening, he msg me..then he called me after work,continuing sms-ed… after he reached home, he called me.. i feel abit worried becoz his hp was off-ted,trauma for the things that already happened at him..once again i didnt care his hart..erks!sensitived..!at last biler dah pujuks everythings back to normal…

i urged him to call me back after his bath! i dont know why am i act like that!erks..i am his gf now!hmm.. somethin just spoil & ruin his mood again! my hs suddenly ring~…& he was jealous.. yah!and once again..we had alil fight..but lastly everythings turn to be ok!nearly 1 hour..good night miss u..love! and kiss gudnite*dont forget..mwahh…

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…. Monday, Apr 18 2005

So its begins…..

hmmm….

morning! mornin call from him, 10 minutes before he entered his workplace,erks!7.50am..ayoh!too early for me to get up from mybed..lastnight, i slept late 3somethin in mornin la..but nevermind your distraction towards me is what i’m waiting for!& i love…and i’m dream bout him lastnight..

i hope today, i will tried to elude those distraughtfulness that is tryin to come over me. think hard for somethings just makes the sadden control our emotions, it was definitely bad…is it worth it?by hooked or by crooked i have to overcome it someday.

*thank for loving me…only me…
*to him,thanks for loving me..till the max of it.
*i dont even know what should i return back…

*time to emo is enough, let’s doin my mundane!

*he called me after worked..and he called me after he bought a new sim, he called me as the first person..& he called me after he reach home while i was cookin..!

*i waiting for the good night called, but he didnt called me! man.. i feel deadly missed him, tho i knew maybe he was sleepin right now, i wanted to call him but i dont have credit, i just have the lastt 17cents to sms him, but he didnt replied… i felt like deadly alone, i’m sick!i cant even imagine how mylife could be if he gone..i cryin and lost.. strong ayue!but i cant … i dont have anyone besides me..i feel damn lone!

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this clock neva seems to alive… Sunday, Apr 17 2005

So its begins…..

* sunday!

i wake up, and give a morning call to him…we had bout 50minutes conversations…and every words of his sentence making me to up up to sky , killing me..yet!**!!i really miss, and he dont even know what’s real is to be real!

i tried to be strong..and i decided to have a new hobby this hols..!jaga bunga my Cikgu Saerah..huhuh..hope so,mum seems a bit shocked but happy when i let her know my new interest~!!she couraged me much but tak percayalah jugak,!then mum cakap, she will buy 10 vases, so aku kene tanam bunga kat dalam tu, and jaga betui2 bunga2 tu ..(i hope this is not my regular half way works,)!huhuhu.. mum & flowers cannot be seperated!that’s true..

strong?how?listened to my impulsive conscience again…i cant help myself, days are too quicks!whenever i started to think bout it, how it’s gonna be, i became so helpless, weak..and feebly..even how,long,even i wanna try to procrastinate those things,to give such a foolish reason, but it will comes to the end of it..i just cant change it..what am i suppose to do?to say?to tell?once again,my tear started to trickle down…..maybe i’m weird,maybe i’m too secretive..ppls just dont understand what hell is this bout..and this para is a useless for ppl to read, but it’s do mean somethings..tacit..deeper than ur thought..guilty*

*he called me many times using his mum hp,tho he already bought a new hp yesterday, but he didnt buy a simcard yet…so mak dielah yang jadi mangsa =P!

*i cooked my favs mee goreng basah for dinner! mum said “sedap!”`

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holiday~~2month huhuh…goin home!home sweet home. Saturday, Apr 16 2005

So its begins…..

listening to Twista-Kamikaze : Overnight Celebrity

9.34am, i’m waiting for mom to fetch me up! huh..can you imagine there’s so too muchh stuffs i’m gonna bring back home!huaaaa..macam dah tinggal 1 year jer hiks .

~ i’m so damn tired those bags were so damn heavy!…i cant imagined i did go up to 5th floor…then went down back to ground floor to put the stuffs inside car for such a many-many times!~and the checkout procedures were just sucks!and all the sucks thingys wre finally finished at about 12 somethin,..where my stmck started to growling badly…ayoh..lapau nyer!!!

*home…

huhuh…on my bed again, my room…my eyes was closed…syooo….i was sleepin, please dont wake me up!!

i miss…

i wish…

i’m dont even have a reason…any reasons, this love is true..more than truth…

does anybody feel the same ways as i do? does everyothers do the samethings?…does anybody ever feel wanna cry, but just cant…nothing to be cure, to be heal..does anyone feel…??wht will be happened tomorrow…??next day…next month or even next year?

I pray for my only hope!i never feelthis way..rest of mylife..my love story, its just so real…

~hols..*bounches* =P

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