memoryy Wednesday, Sep 29 2004

music : Padi _ semua tak sama

morningggggg….. ma dearestt blogiee deariee.. howaya duinGG??!!!… hutttmmmm thinknGG.. for tudAy… wat pic shud i put huh?? tadaaa…. heeerrrGHHh…..waiitt ha… !!.. i’ll putt sums inside ma blogg realyy2 soonn!! huhuhu.. errrrrhhhhh !!!*** yaHH touch up skIT ma bloG niee… hurrMMM .. feel likee… wanna changEE thiZ bloGskin!! hurrmmm otey or not oteyy… butt** thiz skins means so mucH to me.. huhu..^^^ **todayyyy.. hurrrmm.. stayinGG at home!!erKKK… kinda fun actually & i dunt want to think staying at ma luvly pinky bed wud turn me to irksomee momentt… huhuhu… nah! lotasa works to do actually… settle all de important things in malife 1st! ma mission.. bile dah settle so.. it wud be oteyy n i can lepaks back infroontt of thiz 17″ Hewlett Packard..monitor!! muahhss cikit :-*.. yahh wat to do aigttt? surfinGG.. peeps sumting interesting in the web bout paranormal things or freekyy, creepy things hurmmm wether thoz supernatural thinggs were exist or nott ehhh??? yahh… ??ufo.. alients.. & ghost..bla2..:D…waddaya thinksss dude???……

ok wat to do after thizz?? ma option??.. -*weds MOOD*- EAtIng WatCHING TvS lepaks… tItun..Zzzz hurmmmm…. rite now i’m listening to Mariah Carey… I Only wanted… from her Charmbracelet i only want you to stayyy…arggghhh beshhh…..
** sowweii to say.. but thiz blogskin will ended till thiz second only.. now 3.25pm..& i wanna change thiz blogskin..ecceli thiz blog with this skin… will no longger exist.. coz i wanna change it to.. TWINKLE-TWINKLE LIL STARS… arghhh sad to say thiz.. but.. i had to… okk ma dejavu.. i had to stop u.. till thiz moment only.. gonna miss u… ( taa…pliz clicky to thiz dejavunew after thiz!!—>NEW DEJAVU:) seee… mee…. maself thre..!! ta…

ayue at 1:49 PM

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Tuesday, October 05, 2004

GooD mOrninG ma Lil PrinCessss….huKKss ….

HacccHHuusss…. huhu… ma morning starts wifs sneezzzinGG!! haa…yahhh!! maYYbee errrr.. due to wake uPP too earLY in the murniNG for subUHH… hachUzzz,, not enufff sleeppIngg timEE.. hachusss…huKKss… continuinggg ma sLeepiNG momenTTT…. hacchuss…!! dunuTT disturBB huh!!!….

WAKE UP!!WAKE UP!! oredi… 9.00am…
ayookksss…. mum daHH babblinggg so..gotta wake up aaahh.. oredi 9.00am!! hurrmm… relaxxx mum.. i’m not going for work todayy!! huhuhu…. QUIT oredI!!yah… at lasTT!! ~~mebi betuI la… i am too emotional- humanbeing!! cud not worked under pressured… but yelahh.. i oso felt soweii for wat i had done!! to auntie.. i respected her much as ma second boss.. but i cudnt stand when she owiz made me liked i.. demitt!!*** yah.. maybe enuf la..!!**yelah!! maybe malife..owiz wants the easiesttthingg!!~~ ma life.. i born as wat i am* hard to change itt..!! nak senang jer as wat mum owiz sayss.. & she wuz rite!!.. ma real dads.. yah.. he owiz want me to work!!gains sum xp.. “butt” malass la… buttt i need moneyyy!!moneeyyy!! aduhhhh… after thiZZ nomore incomee?!! sape soh benti???… !!..lepaKS.. n think.. wat shud i do after thiz???huhuhu…. !!feel like mmg enthusiast nak studYY !! tak sabar lak ghaseR!! so… after thizz… hurmm kuar jap!! n buY one envelop n etc2….settle psal application MMU tuh!!… next, settle pasal gaji plak… bank in kan cheque..!!3days br masuk acc.. next… gi UNIKL…besar fac die kat situh…then, balik.. before that… bli newspapers.. …. & BALIK…. umah..
ONLINE :…. surf2 japp… hurmm cet wif MITSUi.. huh!! he gotta big-big probs.. tp taktau wether its real or not??!! huh….boring la plak!! hurmmm.. then.. read NST.. lepak2.. n read magz.. wat to do??? yaHH.. ?~~ duk umaHH.. sronnoTTT lahhh… letak pics kat bloG nie.. coz tade mende nak uatTT.. hummm.. tenGok application form UNIKL tuh… hurmmm… nak amik per ehhhh???…wether… Bach Eng Tech Comp System & Net, Bach Eng Buss Mngt (MAnufact’) or.. Bach Eng. Tech (multimedia Enhanced E-Commerce)…. yang Bach len tuh… xbleyy lahhh….which one aight??? confusinggg… buttt* i prefer the 1st one.. hrmmm ok… pasni nak bukak balik buku.. Data Comm Networking…akuu… !! hurmmm sronooott.. faVs subjectt!!*** oteyyyy???!!!!…. …

PetaNg :… rase panassss sangattt… aduHHH… xlarat nak stay kat dlm bilik coz window au betul2 hadap matahari .. so.. sgtt panasss….!! wat to do??? wutcinggg TV laHHH…?!!**anytinh else???… aduhh panass sgt2… bout 6 sumtingg Hide misscall… but i cant ms him backk!!:… maybe die dah abis clas or else?? i dunno….!!!. sumtimes.. i feel like… wat is the end of our story??of thiz blogg?..one dayy? wat wud happened to both of us??.. i dunno… but.. i actually knows… only me** n ~~!!i juz cud not stop itt.. maNN…!!hurmmm juz thinkinggg nextt.. bile aku dah sambung studYY.. ape jadi ehhh??..open a new chap of ma life** meets new dude!!frenz & ul the creeppyy creatures…alient or sumtings…hihihi merepeks dah nieeee….!! ooohhh baru tringatttt.. luperrr nak cter… td kuar… jumpe membe kije mase kat A-Famosa.. Aishah, then.. i meet Sharul.. huhuu.. sharul tuhh baru nak usha kiter.. butt kite dah quitttime tuh…!! terkejut gakss.. bile nampak diee.. tp, xsempat nak tegur.. juzz pandang2 jerr!!coz mmg aku shocked time tuh!!:-S

LoVe iS owIzzz in The airr….. pic kat my bilik titun..

Nite :

**LISteninG : Cobalah Untuk Setia – Krisdayanti…

chantez.. beb.. chantezz…!!! beshh lagu niee… sukeee…okk.. nak chantezz.. nak paste lyrics..jap!hihi

Apalah maumu kasih
Kau pilih diriku
Di dalam hidupmu
Nyatanya ku lihat kini
Tak bisa kau coba untuk setia

Sudah cukuplah sudah
Ku memberikan waktu
Kau selalu tak bisa
Mencoba untuk setia

Reff:
Yang selalu kuinginkan
Yang selalu kunanti
Kau coba untuk mengerti
Apalah arti mencinta

Dan harus kau sadari
Bila ingin bersamaku
Jangan coba kau ingkari
Cobalah untuk setia..

Masihkah aku diinginkan
Masihkah aku di dambakan
Masih ada waktu untukmu
Bersamamu akan kah ku jalani hidup… ,,,,

hurrrrMMMM.. ape nak type agi eeeehhhh???? nowww 8.30p.m… i ‘m not the mooddd…!! **wat shud i do?? tengOKk tbb.. laa… oteyyy… to be continued… :X

“wudnt it be niceeee…… lalalala… watt a eppy sonGG… “

**reading : when you’re luVV to mucHH… whoooozzzyyyy!!wooohhhh… !! xmolah jadi stalker to ma luv..aiooooo… only to make sure thez noone else in hislifee!!** huhuhu… yah..ul thiz becoz of thoz stupidity & thoz jeloussyyy err suspiciousss oso…hihii!!..**

**SIGNS OF HEALTHY LOVE : (arryaahhhh… ni for coupless jerrs but leh motivate diri.. sumday**)…

PeaCe!! bebeHHH…… …..

**seronokkk gahse… banyak mende leh tulis kat bloG ni… coz xde kijerr dahhh hihih …. huargggghhhh//oteyyy** to be continued….

tonite i feel so sad!! ///.. tatau nape.. i juz think… hurmm… i juz luv him.. but i’m suddenly.. i remmembered wat he had done to me.. & all the sadness he brought to me..n arghhhh i’m afraid!! but i dunnot knoww wat shud i do…let it go by the flow… hurmmm.. off ma hs… !!he called ma house.. but, xsempat nak angkat..** ya!! spend ma time TV,,, then.. bile dah busan.. i online..hurmm Hide tegurr,, butt** tatau nape xde mood nak layan die.. hurmmm i juz said “arghhhh…” n offline!! …hurmmm tatau bile rase bersalah.. uat camtu, i call him back! n he call me back… tp xcler y huh? direct cal.. then.. we all vc… from 12 to.. 1… n near 2… last2 cam ade gaduh skittt!! tatau la.. aku fikir…kalo aku tadee, die kisah takkk??** -ve thought coming back!!demitttt!!

**okla nite,, bye2…

ayue at 6:15 PM

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Monday, October 04, 2004

Yahhh!!! today i’m QUITTTT!!!! mmg la rase tak sampai hati.. coz rase cam kejam koz bagi 24hours notice but!! i think.. i cant stand anymore wif all the pressure burned on me! enuf aa.. !!!yah//// mmg rs bit rugi coz after thiz i dunt any income! no money..huh..cian nyer!!n will be bored.. p, bile dah rase pressure n kene marah !humilated n embarassed…. arghh.. enuf i thought!! ingat nak quit on NOV.. but… enuf aaa sampai sini!!…

Ms Wong Pow Cheng
Operation Manager
Chai Computer Centre
B2-4 Tampin Square
73000 Tampin
Negeri Sembilan 05/10/004
Tel: 06-441 7202

Dear Ms. Wong,

24 Hours Notice of Resignation

The purpose of this letter is to inform you of my resignation from my current position as a general clerk starting from date above. This due to I had been offered back to further my degree level under my college at MMU. (LIAR- notYeTTT laa…)

I would like to take this opportunity to express my sincere appreciation for your guidance and counsel I have received over nearly 2 month I been working in Chai Computer Centre. I have learned a great deal about computerized procedures, business and I know how important providing outstanding customer service is in today’s business environment, I am certain that the skills I have acquired will be of value throughout my career someday that I will not be able to get from other company.

Lastly, I hope your company will achieve a good deal of business, enhanced more over and widely spread the IT line and continuing successful.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

…………………………
(Idayu *****)

yehhh!! abess dahhhh…… !!! sambil2 uat resign letter tuh.. kite ceting wif Hide… !!! then, pastuh.. kite kemas2 my room.. dah lame tak lap2.. !!ade habuk skit… !! so.. amik dettol… sabun… lap2 skit… huhuu bersih! senang jer…:) huhuhu….. hurmmm nasihatkan skit Si Hide tuh!! malas nak kemas umah die!! arghhh tak suke tgk kotor2 nie!!habuk2 ker!!sakit pale otak akuh jer….:)!!…pas die mandi.. die webie ngan aku!erkss sajeje promote cutie lil pie die tuh!!;;)…. then, before die g skul voice jap ngan die… so take care ma boi… c u!!…

*MEMORY FACTS:

SHORT TERM MEMORY – memories that last anywhere from a few seconds to 24 hours, depending upon how much importance we put on the imformation .
INTERMEDIATE MEMORY – refers to memories that may last for days or even weeks, but which are eventually lost foreva, unless they are movd to long-term memory
LONG TERM MEMORY – recalled for many years, even for an entiretime time…
LEFT BRAIN : processes speech, analysis, time n sequence.. only recognises letters, numbers and words..
RIGHT BRAIN : involved predomnantly in creatives and artistic tasks..deals with images, colors, shapes, sound & rhythm…
listening : Hyde – Evergreen….

hurmmm Hide… pic taken before he went to skul thiz afternoon….!!

Hurrmmmmm…. petang nie tak wat per.. hhuhuhu beshhh asik hadap pc jer kot.. & tgk tv seskit.. then ceting2 wif ma muchacha Shasha babyyy… soh die uat blog jap…die view ma blog…!! huhu…. hurmmm bace NST… lepak2… baring2.. n berangan.. before that kuar bli ice-cream.. yang tension jer.. bile nak kuar je nak start kete jer.. mum dah ingat aku nak g datinggg adeyyy.. ( mane bf aku…? tadee2…!!! hurmmmm cam nak tetitun…. huhu benci tdo petang… then, bebangun tgk Hide miscal… terus online.. die dah balik skul upenyer… agak dah!!! huhuhu die masak ikan masak kari.. sure beshhh :X.. instant… huhuhu…. ook.. tamo kacau die till 10.00 pm maybe*…..!!webieee….. tu pic2 die pas balik skul… cube compare kan?? srabut tak?? hihi.. tade laaa.. comey jer.. :X…

pic Hide balik dari sKuL plakkkk

**to be continued….. **itoshii hito yo…

adeyyyy….. terkantoiii dah bloGG nie…. hurrrmmm… !!… opppsss!!tatau ….
hurmmmm….
wat perrr?!!! borinGGG aarrgggghhhh.. tgk tb… tade citer beshhh?? so… continueee cetinGG.. hurMM… wiF hide!die br pas tgK citer pe tah!!theN… webie.. n voice ngaN die… diE tgk Ainori..kiter dok lepaK2 pan pc… surf2 skit.. then, continuee cetinG ngaN die.. webiee.. abisss sume beNda die tunjuKK kat biLik die tuh rantai la..potpurilah.. pic die lelame2… macam2…hiks!! theN vc… sampai aku terlelap & ngantuk!! n both of us tituN….beshshhh nyeRRRR…!!!!soKK tak kijERR!!!** pikirrr nak banK in Cheque…huhuhuh ****!!ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz

Ni pic ma gorgeousss sexyy munchhyy yummyy hacchooossss bersinnn…tengOK..Slymm….hahah!!!
hahahahhaha….. lantaklaaaa.. nak gak letak pic sexy nie!!!huhuhu

ayue at 11:21 AM

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Sunday, October 03, 2004

huhuhu suNdayyyy!!! wat todo????.. wakE up boUT 10am…!! lasT niTe boRAk nGan Hide sAmpai boTh of uS tetido… arini bgn lambaTT!! argGGHhh kijer xmo esokk.. nak QuiTTT!!….huRmm…. !!! wat to do aight??/ hurmm arini.. mak usu balik umah aku… datang2.. n masak2 rendang ayam.. huhuhu.. bsh!!! /// petang tu aku nak kuar.. die org tuduh aku nak g date plak! aduh! tensi aku… nak date ngan sape?
bf pon tade? sape aku nak carik ma??… adeyyyy… hiihi… ngadu kat Hide!! rase nak cari bf je.. show kat dieorg! aduh.. nape sume curious ngan aku!! adeeeeeyyy heamoraaagee.e..!!! aduhhh.. ape nak uat… dah jadi cenggini… … juz wait je//.. sum1 day… kan?@@….***

malam tuh… gado lagi ngan Hide, die mawah aku coz bagi skype aku kat Mitsui.. arghhhh.. didnt meant to… then, si Mitsui nak cal aku… tp, aku xsampai hati nak skype ngan die… ingat Hide agi… die jeless… fine la..ma fault again! tak patut aku wat die camtuh, tul la die kate aku selfish ngan diri aku… jeles bile die wat.. aku wat xpe.. ntah aa ngan Mitsui pon secara kebetulan je….aku xnah pon vc ngan die…!! then, pastuh.. ok dah!! bile due2 mengalah… xmo gadoh2 la..
juz made the things worst.. uat pe??!!! juz relazzzzz………kool!!!:D!! i wont make the same mistakess againnnn.. nomoreee… !~~ then, vc ngan die.. till 9.00pm.. aku nak tgk tb.. die pon nak tgk tb… aku tgk Smallville.. then… aku tettitun dpn tb… kul 12.00 br terbangun!!!….aduhhh!! tensiiii!!!…. sambung online… tgk kat YM tade sape2 pon onli Hide!! die pon br abis tgk tb… tgh nak search mende die tuh.. tula.. suke die wat kije last minute…hrmmm then, tetibe famie online.. tp, time tuh aku nak vc ngan Hide.. so, juz wish gud nite to him… huhuhu.. vc ngan Hide till… 2.30.. die dok nyanyi2 aku dah terlelap… Zzzzz… adeyyyy gud nite… tata…

click to enlarge (GARFIELD tIme AGAIN)

ayue at 1:38 AM

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Saturday, October 02, 2004

hurrrrmm saturdayyy!!! huhu… benci!!! arini suck!! i hate today!! tp dah dpt gajI…huhuhu…yahh!! pressureee eif works!! of coz… ntah aa so much things jadi mase time kijeer!!tensi aaa… yah!! feel like gona quit all thiz.. !!balik kijer cam penat.. tp sempat g pasar mlm .. as ussual la.. blk2 tuh.. cet wif hide… argh!! asik2 nak gaduh je ngan die lately ni,atas sbb kecik2 pon!! yah.. maybe it ma fault, die terasa n jeless.. ntah aaa.. padahal nuting!!ntah laa… i’m juz confused..

ayue at 8:00 PM

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Thursday, September 30, 2004

aPer ciTer beSSh arini ehhh???….:”>… Yahh!! as ussual lahh.. gotta workkk early inde muningg.. arini cam bit rainy morningg.. buttt.. ape pon still gotta workk!! huhu… wisHH leh titun ataSS katiL sure besHH :X.. huhuh.. tudaYY auntie.. out! gi HospitaL checkk dienyEr sakiT tuh!! kecian gaks!! arini aku banayak kiJer aa.. g pejabat.. hantar Ah Ken.. check printer probs.. n..so on… hurmmmm.. waT else?? hurmMM banyak benda naK handle kat kedAi… yang beshnyer.. jumpe ma oldskul nyer cikgu..cikgu Norsiah.. yeh!yeh… ma favs cikgu!! sayang sangat kat die dulu… coz die memang suke bagi aku A.. hihi..hrmm after g Sc Muar… rindu sgt kat cikgu tuh!! hihi..at last jumpe pon!!… then…. balIkkk.. gahse nak cal Hide.. hurmm tp jap je.. 2 minute plus2. coz direct cal.. hurm, sempat die cakap i miss u.. but i wont reply..~~..

ayue at 7:41 PM

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Wednesday, September 29, 2004

huhuhu…. arghhhh.. malasnyer nak wake up!!!! mlm tadi titun lambat sangattttt..ZZzzz.. payah sangat nak bangun…:( bangun2 pagi pon cam mamai jer..huarghhhhh!!! bekfess mum masak bee hun goweng… bessssH ;X, drive pon dalam keadaan ngantukkkk!! sempat nak sms hide hihi.. sukee!!;P.. lagi ngantuk biler jalan jam!! arghh ade lori lembab tuh!bua jalan stuck!! hari ni kijerrrr… cam relaxxx aa.. xde customer sgt.. but, okey la…;) stil ade kije nak buattt… biler kul 2.00pm kat sini, tringat Hide… die mesti tgh present tuh.. coz die ckp, die present kul 3.00pm.. owiz thinking bout him, nommater wattt.. yahhh… diextau ma blog nie.. so.. biarlaa. aku nak type ape pon.. to ma new blog.. yah!!

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memory Tuesday, Sep 28 2004

music :

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

arini… penatnyer kijerrrr,… kene angkat cpu agi.. g sane.. sini.. adeh… letih sgt .. tak larat dah..:( w/pun still rase eppy gi kije… tak lame lagi masuk gaji yeh!yeh!…:P… pepagi dah ade customer nak bli computer!huhuhu..:P/// yah!! mmg bz gilerrr….. blik pon lambat… bile balik2… hide misscall…:P… hurmm bile balik2, masuk2 bilik tgk surat dr ma mum.. huh sedihnyer bile bace… yah, itsa bout hide!:( aku xtau nak uat caner!! i know mum likes hide very much!!.. but aku cam confused!! .. even, aku sayang sangat kat hide, but.. aku harus bagi hide peluang tuk ubah diri die.. lebih appreciate erti sayang tuh.. arghh… ntah aa.. i juz luv him.. n aku bagi tau die bout ma mum , huh die pon suprised.. … yah!!aku penat… letih… .. malam tuh nap jap, lepas gayut ngan hide.. till 11.30 br bangun, online,, n ave sum cet wif hide.. hide bz uat kije masukakan data dari octopus die tuh…coz esok wednesday.. hari tuk die present!!gambatenaa..hidee….:P..i know he hate wed!! n si Mitsui tuh! baru aku realised yg die tuh pyscodelic.. .. gilossss..:P webie hide..:)… then, cet2 jap ngan si famie… kul 1.30a.m camtuh, aku tdo, then…. waiting for hide to call me.. before he sleep.. as ussual laa… huhu.. ZZzz.. kul 3.06 baru die cal, camtuh aku dah laloks dah..titun… huarghhhh.. ape tah die merepek tanye weight aku.. nak dukung? huh?macam2.. yela2 aku dah turun bape kg since kije nie… tp skung smgt mkn aku datang balik…hihii…!!!ok.. ngantukssss nyerrrr… titun….. ..

ayuee teame at 8:50 PM

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Monday, September 27, 2004

huhuhu.. ape beshh ttg hari… nie??nting ekceli yyg besh! cume.. bit semangat g kije!! yah!! life must go on.. no matter wat… ::p… w/pun penat!! yah… mebi munday mood “bored”… tapi besh a coz.. tade kene marah ngan auntie.. auntie banje ice-cream.. huhuhu!! beshhh lak rase, aku kire bruntung.. tiap2 kali kije, hihi bukan tiap2 kali la.. thiz wud be the 2nd time laa.. after a-famosa.. sume dapat boss kire baik la!! ** hurmmm.. that nite, gayut ngan hide… huh.. !!mum cal hide upenyer!!:( arghhh.. gayut ngan die nearly 1 hour.. so much thinggg.. to discuss… till titun time…. nite..muahsss….

ayuee teame at 8:45 PM

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Sunday, September 26, 2004

hurrmm… cuti cuti!yehhh… besH!! hurrmm wake uP bit eaRly… hikss 9.00 am… huhu… but smg til kul 10..hihi… … wat to do? nuting.. watching tv n muvi.. watching mesian idol… n day owiz same!! huhu/… saunday… tuk relax….!!! tp… not for sleep!! … hhurmm wat to do? yah! onlinee.. ave sum cet.. wif Hide… arini die kuar g bli dvdrw.. tp xjadi plak bli hdd plak.. mcm2 die.. … late nite br balik..:P… so continue sembang ngan die..!! hide.. wat so special bout him? nutinggg… but.. i know.. die special dlm hati aku!… dalam hati aku !! even he hd hurt me much!! mcm nak mati .. but i still.. can accept it.. !!even.. bukan mcm dulu**.. maybe aku mmg camnie.. aku xsanggup..:(.. i dunnot know wat inside his hart now..? i really dunt know..! mcm mane di lh luv 2person at the same time..? n how cud him lied to me.. ma feeling..& her feeling!! even aku tau he didnt meant it..but, sum of his reosons owiz made me hurt.. let it go!!!.. he neva realised me.. i am nuting to ma self. !!- he neva know how much ma luv..!! hurmm, n i show itt..salah kah aku? maybe aku bukan mcm zila.. ! maybe die xshow mende2 tuh, tp bagi aku.. xrugi if showing our luv.. coz bende tuh let kite lebih sayang each other… coz perasaan tuh mmg unique.. n how we expressed benda tuh buat luv lebih special… for me.. ma point of view..! i juz cant let it go..!! hurmm that nite,,, cet wif famie.. cite psal computer stuffs.. huhu.. sok jumpe aku kat kedai:P…!!.. hurmm wat else huh? nearly 1.00am.. kite pon titun… kiter tringt kat hide.. !! die cal kite tak eh???.. kite rase rindu kat die.. he call me.. :X… hurmmm borak2 pasal kete n etc.. huhu kukun nak bli accord.. same taste cam ma dad.. harrier pplak taste same ngan aku, tapi herrier mahal gilos n.. 3.0cc maa.. abeh duit minyak je … pelik aaaa mostly taste die same ngan aku…. ;;)… hurrmm then kite pon titun… sweet dream too hide, die soh kite letak dulu….. hurmmm erkss!! miss hthoz things… bile kite dah letak pone tuh.. kite ckp.. ” i really miss u..hide..”!! sayang sgt die.. but.. benda die wat slalu dalam pale otak aku !!! nite.. tata..i want it back to normal.. i want he know me n luv me..

(TULUS – ARi LASSO)

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Reff. Sesungguhnya semua cintaku
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Hingga saat ajal menjemputku
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Lupakan dirimu sungguh terasa menyiksa
Ku tak berdaya…aku tak perduli

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moment to remember… Monday, Sep 20 2004

music :

Saturday, September 25, 2004

*new blogg… dejavuhurt…

yahh.. todayy workss… otey laaa.. hurmmm words from hide smlm sum parts tuh menyedarkan aku!!yah.. tQs.. !!huhhhhh!!butt.. i juz feel lonely.. i asked maself y?.. i still got Hide.. juz had to gv him sum times.. to heal ul the pain that burned on him..yah.. hez the ones who chooseeddd itt!!… yah.. i wanna b wif him.. but, everytimes i talk or cet wif him hati aku sakitt**even i still can smiles when saw hez cutiee face kat web cem tuh!! he asked me todo the hardest things for me.. he oredi said the things tats made me hurt!! he neva no.. he neva cared!! ma hart.. he neva realised.. how precious he was to me.. before i know ul the things.. all the stupidity..all thiz!! i know i cant point ul thiz to him, i knew.. he neva meant intented to do thoz things.. but wat he oredi done till in ma mind.. n i cant let go!!yah… maybe i shud open ma hart to sum1 else.. let everyone knws me.. change maself..tantalizesss in me..yah!!shud let go thiz feeling?? i shud think.. i shall find the harts that wl treasured ma hart..goldenly, preciously..!!rite now i feel like i wuz nuting to the person that i thought wuz everything.. zul wuz rite!!neva let all ur hart & feel 100% go the person that u luv!! coz when its hurrt.. it wud coz 100% pain too… even ma hurt not 100% but, i still feel nuting… …!!!i feel deeply drowninggg…**half ly dead!!~~** mum saidd.. u wuz diging the hole.. n u wz trying to jump through it??!!want it??!!** think for the future.. ayue for ma own sake!! dunt try wreck everytingg…..-hurmm i knew.. ape eh ma fault? am i wrong??!!ha hart… argghhhh today g pasar mlm… aku bli mcm2.. butt.. huh, everytime g psar mlm.. aku tringat Hide.. … maybe arini aku bit semangat skit.. no more.. wishy-washy moment..:(!! even hati aku still same.. .. tau tak aku bli ape?? huhu sateyy.. putu bamboo… popiah basah…(hikss.. same taste cam hide..) !! die suke original recipe.. aku suke.. die suke sambal2.. aku pun suke.. die suke..kuih keria..kuih tuh..kuih ni.. sume same ngan aku… huh!! i know everyhingggg (mostly) bout himmm… !!** aduhh… bli banyak2 nie.. sume x abis makan..:(.. huh.. wat todo?- nak die nak amik2.. konsi ngan aku…? tonite juz ave sum cet wif hide… ..yahhh..** .. ngantuKKKss … arghh sweepp sume spyware kat pc aku!! damn aaa… !! nak kene format pc niee!! … …..!!nite.. !!!i wuz buried aliveee by ma luvv..arghhhh….

ayue at 10:52 AM

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Friday, September 24, 2004

workkksss.. !! aku tak concentrate langsung!! auntie pun marah aku ckp aku buat kije xconcentrate!! aku preasure…!! mcm aku fikir… dgn kije ni lagi byk benda nak ingat.. nampak mcm simple tp sbb aku sorang je yg kije..!! so byk benda ku nak ingat… yelah!! maybe aku bukan la nak bedah org or.. nak buat mesin.. yelah who am i ha? nuting… !! yah… hurmm aku tau.. rite now im free to type… … yelah aku dh changed sume nie… maybe ni yg terbaikk…w/pun aku rs name blog tuh betui2 bermakna kat aku… ..xpelah… aku xtau nak buat ape!! aku sedih.. n i told mum everyting.. every single things… kije mcm suck!! lunch pun aku minum air je.. mkn 2 suap dah xde slera… !! maybe aku rase xde perasaan mcm ni pun xpe.. bile aku sorang kat opis.. aku terfikir n aku rs nak nangiss… aku rs hilang sgalanya.. benda ni yg aku dapat..:( sampai skung aku xmkn ape.. just minum jer… ntahla..

bile aku kenal Syed in 13 Dec 2003.. i juz know him as afrenz.. yg owiz call me… bbut rite now!! arghhhh sedihnye aku.. sgt sedih…. maybe he will think aku senang nak org suke aku.. tp aku bkn camtu, syed.. die aduhh aku sakit.. sakit sgt…:(… hurmm hide.. yahhh.. gotta change ma blog name back to normal- scarecrow!! die yang suruh buat camni…pening pale aku…huh…:(.. hurm.. hurrrmmmm…. ma hart wuz empty!! aku xtau nak decide ape2… !! ma hart wuz hurt.. tgk hide hurt.. i can feel it too…aku tau.. ***hide sayanggggggggggggg diaaaa…. nape die wat dia camtuh**? nape die wat aku plak camni??.. hurrmmmmm … aku hurtttt.. i owizz hurttt… yah!! lepas nie.. esok tukar balik ke blog baru… otey!!;;)…… !!- i’m here to help as what he want me todo!!.. i’m lone..:( !! arghhh!! banayk sangat benda aku nak fikir…!!tp aku xde semangat langsung.. hide ckp.. think bout ur future? yelahh.. but sume benda ni pengaruhi aku!! n hidup aku skung… i keep asking maself.. wat shud i do??…!! nape senang je org brubah?? nape… xfikir dulu..?!! nape?… nape senang je org ckp satu kesilapan…?nape?…yah,,, i know… thoz pain need time to heal.. so.. biar la mase tentukan… aku mmg lemah nak buat keputusan.. !!aku xtau nak uat ape?!! nak apply pun tak, fikir kiije lagi… fikir mak aku lagi.. personal life aku lagi.. future aku lagi!! aduhhh… aduh.. ape lagi yg aku nak buat???….. hey b strong gurl!!;;)

ayue at 11:34 PM

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gonna be the end of the day!! xgi kije.. ding nutingg… arghh!! nuting!!n nutingg… whre am i on??whre?…

ayue at 8:17 AM

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Thursday, September 23, 2004

ntahlaa….ntahla……arini aku xgi kije!! aku langsung lemah… xdaya.. n nutingg… aku rs hilang sgalanya….hilang org yg slama ni bagi harapan kat aku.. yg sayang aku…….aku xtau la.. issit wrong to luv sumbody??? in pain!! sampai hati die.. i created thiz blog becoz of u… for the moments that we shared…tergamak die marah aku… throw me like i neva exist in his life… like he neva appreciated me?? y? y?or said nice words to me??.. bile aku cal zila.. wat he expect me to said actually?? wat??… zila… i juz wanna told her that pliz dunt hate me..i wont hate her oso.. neva!!.. ape salah aku hah? ape?… sakit aku.. !! y he said die tersilap?? nape?sennag jer die ckp camtuh kat aku senang jer…. after all yg die bagi… sakitnye aku… lebih.. tanpa die sedar.. koz die bagi lebih harapan kat aku… n senang nak marah aku… n campak aku!! arghhhh…. nape slama ni die ckp die sayang kat aku sorang?? bile aku tanya.. betul2 sayang ke…? die cakap yer!! then, last nite die ckp memula tuh atas dasar kecian! wat da ****!!! damn la….!! n senang die marah aku.. Ya Allah, sakitnya aku… he neva knew… ape yg die tau, die hanya nak peluang utk Zila… camne aku nak biarkan die pergi.. ?? how?? after all he did..he gave.. i gave to him!! my preciouss… huh? wat precious mean to him? he knew wat luvs mean?? y?…. n all hopes!! how can i delete thoz things? hah? how…??… senang die ckp sayang… senang die ckp nak appreaciate aku sampai bila2.. senang die muahs aku.. senang die ckp sume2 … n harapan tuh banyak sangat2.. banyak2///… arghh!! Ya Allah… ape salah aku nie… air mata aku asik mengalir jer… n harapan aku byk kat die.. sekarang satu-satu jatuh… mcm nuting!!maybelah… aku yg kedua.. n aku tempat die lepaskan perasaan die.. sbb zila xmcm aku.. tp, penah tak die care perasaan aku… n bile aku tanye die.. die ckp nak appreciate kat aku, die fall kat aku… sampai bila2… aku tanyye betul ke? die ckp betul..ayu!! & aku ckp ngan die.. aku harap benda nie betul2.. n jgn main2..sampai bila..!!but rite now??senang je… tiap kali aku tanye die.. camner die ngan zila, die kate dah xde perasaan langsung.. so i trust him…i trust him.. even prasaan tu ade doubt..!! aku bagi lagi masa & peluang kat die.. ntahla, maybe its ma fault.. sume ni jadi.. mmg salah aku… coz i’m nuting pun slama nie pada die.. ape yg die ckp… even die ckp last nite he meant it.. but… ape makna tu sume sekarang..??aku bli i-talk card.. w/pun duit aku xde pon, coz aku tak kisah coz i know he luvs me…n luv him…aku ketepikan sume org dlm hati aku, bcoz of him.. n aku harap sgt nak jumpe die.. tengok die makan sekor ayam kat Kenny Roges ngan die..g rumah die.. teman die makan2 kat kedai kak die….. bawak die jalan2.. amik die kat bustop umah die.. jln2 kat melaka…g waterfall ngan die…die nak ajar aku berenang.. n ape yg aku paling trasa.. die ckp die nak duduk rumah aku, tengok tv same ngan aku… sama2.. dan aku mmg planning nak amik MMU Melaka coz nak dekat ngan die, aku planning duit gajii bulan ni nak upgrade pc sume tuk die….. abis tuh.. skrg mcm mane/?? **** aku juz tunggu die cal Zila… know the rite..answer… dan dlm mase tuh.. aku menangissss… cry me a river…. he neva care bout ma feeling.. aku xde slera nak buat ape2… n nutingg…. aku tau, w/pun zila trima die.. aku akan menangis.. kalo zila xtrima die pon.. aku akan nangis jugak!! coz.. i knew.. it neva be the same again.. neva///…!! kalo die kate die bersalah kat zila seolah2 die bunuh org… mcm mane plak rs die bersalah kat aku??at first he wanted to throw zila away.. n amik aku.. rite now.. die nak buang aku amik zila blk.. huhh.. senangje die.. :(… aduh aku sakitt..sakitt… aku tau, ape yg die akan ckp ngan zila bile die cal zila, i can feel it… n sakitnye hati aku… coz mean nuting to him… nuting… coz die kenal aku sbb “tersilap”… how can i let go ma feeling? how?? ….

ayue at 11:36 PM

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Wednesday, September 22, 2004

hurrrmmm… i dunnooot knoww wat shud i do… rite now?? hurrmm at workk!! shuTT the FucKK offf!! mannn… tensiOn ajER.. n i keep thinkinG bout him… hussshhh n maself… where actually i’m standing on??… hurrMMM… after lunch time.. hide cal.. till end of my break!!.. hurMM… i feel totally sicKKK~~ yahhh… aku balik aku drive kete tuh speed giloss mcm nak mati!!** besh wayy to realise ma tension & ma emotion** thez lotsa things dlm pale otak aku!! i’m not eppy..coz i feel really sad rite now… i dunnot know where am i now??… hIde said.. die rase sedey coz he lost his frenz but die sayang aku he juz feel like he aredi lost his frenz…, yahh.. once again ii gave him time… hurmmm maybe hati aku ni mudah sgt sejukk!! mudah sgat ….is that anyone else yang same mcm aku??:(…!!** maNN!! i gv him preasuresss~~ n let ma hart hurtt to think?? damn itttttt…. !!!!
hurrmmm arghh tuniteee buat aku betuL2 sedeyy.. the thing that didnt eva know…!huh…hide@syed.. balik kijer he called me… but i can feel sumting wuz wrong n arghh he was sufferingg!! mannn!!i dont like to gv damn to all thiz things- !!argghhh!!! n when i try to call him .. noone answer!!huh~~ gimme sum preasure thre.. kat y.m he did nnot reply ma msg.. kat skype plak… he wuz apply offline, but when i call him.. enggaged!! mann… i know.. n i feell deeply hurttt!! – huh!! 10.32pm.. he called me up… till nearly 1.30am… n thiz conversation wuz totallyy!! arghhh… i neva know n i confused!! yahh,,,, aku rs aku tertipu sgt2…n i’m stuckk!!*** asking maself y?? y he did thiz to me? to the one he said he luv muchh.. noone else.. except me…!! wat the helll!!!** ** he said.. basicly, at 1st he luv me bcoz of sympathy.. dunt want to look me hurt… wushhhhisss….!! issitt?? then.. it become more n more… i cant accept thoz words… yahh!! keep thinking… !! yah i know.. from first i said i am afraid of loosing the person that i wud luv…n at that time..he oredi said he luvs me.. so watt the hell is that??? i’m asking him again how bout now??? u luv me becoz of wat?? now… he luv me becoz he lovs me..!! yahh… juz berpunca dari that thing “kesian” huh!! n he told zila bout thiz oso… yah…!! i dunnot know wat he told zila bout me?? i didnt know… i asking him?? who do u luv?? n he said BOTH!! wuargghhhh… thiz guy wuz totally TAMAK type!!** even he said he luvs me more.. he oredi told to himself he oredi chosed me.. her mum oso ..!! & i oredi trust his words.. i know wat he feel rite now!!he was crying…he was so upst n down!! wat i feel rite now is .. am i going to lose all the memories wif him??am i?? all the hopes that we oredi create?? ** promises..??n hopes sumday.. our feels nite before we will meet… am i going to ask him again??… memory cant erased.. n every moment he spend wif me… thez no single day i wud forget him…everytime i close n open maeyes u thre… u the one who will call me before i close ma eyes.. n u the one i will cal before i went for work* after work- every minutes..n he oso said almost everytimes he thinking bout me!!arghhhh… we both wuz crying!! issit ma fault/??** he want me to gv him a time… again…

hurmmm zila, i called her.. ntahla.. to her.. ayu xnah marah!! aku pun shocked y must called her??** u in ma blog oso zila… !! dlm hati aku i wont hate anybudy!!**not me??**
then, i cal hide for bout 5minutes.. last of ma card…nearly 2 i guess.. n he called me back!! aku xtau nak ckp ape… y must thiz story ended like thiz??he cried…n me?? pain wif no cure…!!! try to fall asleep.. but still terjaga2..i juz cant closed ma eyes…or fall to sleep… arghh nearly 4 inde moring… i read all the messages he gave he.. i return it back! husshh i cant sleepp.. n arghh!! he called me..again.. soh aku tdo.. close ma eyes.. arghhh… !!i try to forget all thiz things.. but i’m not that strong!!i’m not…. i juz need sum1 ..n die tanye boleh tak die jd sum1 tu?? ntahla.. i dunnot know…i feel lone noone else… beside me.. n.. arghh.. mate ni dah bengkak dah!! lame xrasa sedih sgt mcm ni…mum knew i wuz crying… arghh!!…tomorroww… aku xmo gi kije!!! i’m so tired!!**wif all thiz tears..
**thanks hide.. for all ur words..ur luv…ur hopes… ur bouquet of rosses …..
i’m the ones who heard his snored..for the 1st of his life, his breath…n every moment spend wif him… man!! i juz him…but.. shud i luv him now??shud i???…. or giving him another chance??!! all i know i juz cant let him go!!ha hart said no but ma mind still yah!! i owiz think to back off!! but i cant… ape dosa aku kat die pun aku xtau… n zila… i feel wrong to both of u… i’m nuting..i’m nting rite now!!
bile aku sedey n nagis mcm nie… aku trinagt die nyanyi lagu ni…. “Hapus airmatamu aku tak ingin kau menangis lg syg*yakinkan hati diantara resahmu*diriku takkan memilih meninggalkanmu..
Sekian waktu bersamatak mudah tuk menepis semua kenyataanku tak berbeda jalani keyakinan tapi kau yg ku inginkandari sglanya…
Di setiap rinduku hanya memanggilmukuyakin kau pun mengerti, ku tak ingin menanggalkan hati
sayangku dengarkan aku, tak mungkin ku melepasmukan* ku pertahankan kau cintaku*dan semua air matamu yang berarti di hidupku,slalubawalah cintaku bersamamu karna ku tetap milikmu*slamanya kan abadi slalu…… “
arghhhh.. i’m hurt…. y must i know n fall to thiz guy??

ayue at 7:23 PM

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Tuesday, September 21, 2004

6.24am: i woke up!!in shocked… huhu xsangaka oredi 6 plus in de morning….& i think i juz mis sum1… or sumting… c ma hs.. huhu three misscalled.. ” no number” – i guess i knew..-Hide!!! huh.. aku tido mati malam td rasenyer… maybe i been too tired or sebab ubat batuk tu.. hurm but..i sleep in peace… !:p mebie..hihi.. but i feel like kina miss sumting..yah… 1 gud nite wish from hide .:P…yah, maybe… i juz a small matters… but for me.. every single moment.. sigle things.. moment between both of us.. is a matter… & i dunt want to miss those matters.. i ‘ll feel bit.. sad..luv is everyting.. n moment spending wif luvs is sumtings.. am i wrong to feel thiz way?…
” tuhan mengapa kau anugerahkan… cinta yang tak mungkin kan bersatu?”- the lyrics wuz so meaningful n sad too… yah… i think bout him??in ma mind keep on tingling..mingling.. wat does he really feel bout me? n he said he luv me.. more that i realise…so..sayang die mcm mane kat aku???…i juz cant stop luving him…as matter of fact, i cant deny ma true luv.. moi ppour toi….

***12.oopm: being bored inda opis… siting on ma own chair.. duing nuting.. yah!! at thiz moment.. peg from kementrian kewangan datang to check.. to let them giving fully recognised Bumiputera licence to the Can technology company…yah! i’m juz lepaks.. n misscal Hide once but he reply me back just once!!….hurmm bz in skool i guesss… .. juz wondering wat he was duing rite now?i juz damn bored…hurmm the situation now.. hurmm… remember me when i was woking in A-Famosa…..everyday wuz boring day!!!ya. at last.. all the investigation check bout the company established n thoz doc2 that i dunno wuz done-end~~!! Alhamdullilah….from 9.00 to 12.25pm…huhuhu help me.. i’m bored, but in the postive way… i’m juz relax here,,, nuting much todo!!no works!! just lepaks…n luking through the monitor only..huhu!!
oteyla.. let me think bout wat am i going to do..in the future???… maybe 3 years from now…i’m not witty enuf to finish ma study on 23years! yah.. thats ma choice ekcelly…yah now i oredi got ma HND in Business Info Tech.. unlucky.. i cant go to UK, Coventry U.. yahh.. !!ma cgpa is not 3,50 above maa… JPA cannot sponsor me go thre:(- ma fault oso 3.sumting is not enuf!!… hurmm.. i know bout business management, acc and finance:X… huhu.. n i know bout IT field oso.. eventhough i’m not gud in thoz prog lang..huh!!- yahhhh i’m the lazzzyy bummm hihi… owiz like to take things easily…& by nov or Dec.. i’m going to continue ma study..yah.. !!too old… yah bcoz of ma fault.. n ma choice.. i dunt want to regret anytings.. coz its ma choice,, even mum owiz gimme that preasures!!arghhhh…. yah. .. day by day.. lotsa things had happened to me… all the things…n i realised.. !! sume tuh pengajaran bg aku… thoz memory, dark secret**.. n i learned from that.. yah.. ma journeyyy is not that smooth..n i oredi going through sum tough part in malife……

yah.. that evening… fami nyer adik dtg tuk betui kan pc die!!hihi… famie dah bg tau awl2 pc die probss…huhu!!

ma work end at 6.oopm.. i i went home….
**88

yahh.. bout 6.30pm sampai umah… hurmm truss online… n hide egur aku, maybe i bit late tegur die coz i gotta probs connecting wif y.m.. damn!! ** yah.. skypng wif him.. n he told me thoz harshhh…tough… thingss.. that only can make me hurt everytime i thing bout it… … n rite now i juz feel guilty to her… hurmm i can feel wat her feel..rite now, same as wat i feel month2 ago.. till now…. n i feel i being cheating by him, huh!! yah,,, wat else i can do? accept? or let go?… hurmmm.. he said he luv me.. only me.. bt rite now… he said in de diff way… huh.. n he meant it??..he said he feel sad if he lose her.. but he will feel really hurt if he loose me..!! yahhh.. he said.. i luv u more..than her.. n in thiz case..so he luv me… yah!!:( bcoz of i luv him more rite?? butt… i juz confuse rite now??… but.. he said to me.. he luv me more that i expect..more than i realised?? n arghhhh wat that muaahhss for?? wat does thoz words means to u..hideee??!!! ntahlaaaaahhh.. i oredii leave ma frenz, Slym… i told him that i dunt want becoz of the small matter n i loose ma precious ones..!!n rite now i feel noone wif me…n since i luv him.. i dunt ave anyone else to luv… yah!! maybe i’m shutting down the change for ma hart to luv other person!! yahhh… i’m sori…!!i’m juz hurt rite nowww… i dunno wether all he said wuz rite or wrong?? i dunno wat he was duing rite now?? -all i know.. i m not fine.. guilty*** yah!! can i trust him back???…..or….!! i feel nuting rite now… n i’m confusedd….!! who else can i refer?? ma mum??…yah!! mum owiz says.. find a person that only will luv u… !!ya Allah… how can i let go thiz feeling.. i dunt ave any guts!! n i’m speechless… argghhh…. sakit aku!! pale sakit lagi …. arghhhh…. his status?? thhos empty n pain, thos pain wif no cure same wif me.. issit for her??let her know..he is hurting… issit?? Arghhhh!!!! …. i’m dead!***

hurrmmm.. SAKITTT OTAKKK!!!rase nak vomiTTT..peningg22 sume ade…all mixed together!!when i call his house he said, die ckp last ngan that ****, i feel like sedeyyy ..but then, he call me back bout eleven sumting till nearly 1.30am…macam yg dibincangkan!!i dunnot know wat to type….yahhh!!! but rite now i know i oredi gave him another change to prove his luv…again!!yah!! again..:( even its hurt…even last nite i oredi felt wanted to quit all thiz!! n maybe had sum gutsy to let go thiz feeling.. but i let him to decide at he wanted mostt!!~n he said to me.. he will neva let go me..!!**blank…maybe arini wud be the final day to him… hurrmmm, i knew that gurl hurt!!!n rite now i felt guilty.. !yah!!maybe i’m not supposed to feel thiz way rite??..i dunnot know wat Hide told her bout me…i dunnot know wat will happened in da future..!!am i going to trust his words again??but… i still gave him thiz chance coz i dunt want to see he hurt.. aku akan cube percaya dia!!coz skung situasi die dah lain dari dulu….. n aku nak dibuktikan ape yg die xleh buktikan slamani mcm die ckp…:) n.. at the end, aku xmo fikir lagi pasal hari ni… n mulai esok!!aku nak lupekan all the sad2 ting…!! he’s ma precious.. noone else.. !!thats wat i know.. now….tata…

ayue at 7:49 PM

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Monday, September 20, 2004

How much longer will it take to cure this?
Just to cure it cause I can’t ignore it if its love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me
but I don’t know nothing ’bout love ….. :X//…..\:D/

Watching every motion in my foolish lover’s game *On this endless ocean finally lovers know no shame* Turning and returning to some secret place inside *Watching in slow motion as you turn around and say* My love, Take my breath away ….take my breath awayyy…..:X….

and todayyy…..

Monday suckkk!!! yah… tension & blurr!! do the last minute work!! n maybe this included last minute preparation for work oso :p… huhuh.. before goin work.. ma lil hide cal me up!!…yah.. before havin ma bfast n go to work! yah.. stuck in jammed.. becoz of the damn lorry buduhhh…driver..damn ittt husshhhhh…. yelah work start at 9…kuar rumah dah 8.50 hihi…hihi, once again its ma fault.. yah thiz lately, i dunt ave any determination on doing ma job.. entahlaaa…. may be i feel sum preasure on itt!!yah..huhuhu…. damn it.. once again aku kene marah ngan aunti.. argh@becoz of that price & invoice…ntahla.. i been blur…n not really concentrated in ma work! n yah… the IRS system wuz suck oso!!! cannot duing any alteration n arghhhhhhhh so complicated….: after generate invoice nutinn cant be changed….!!yah i know…ma fault.. n i get into trouble now!! -pekak kan telinga jer bile auntie dah marah ….. ntah mane aku dah letak ma sense of hearing…???!!!…..huh… yah! rite noww… ma head like blowingggg..outtt..spining around….dizzinesss….huhuh!!!…… inde pening2 mood, i’m still had to do ma work!!:(.. customers in.. n customers out…. !!!lunch time:.. KFC… i saw that cutie lil boy of UNIKL..Hide called me up.. till end of ma luch time….i’m alone…

1.55pm: continuing ma job… huhu auntie cam dah otey ngan aku… yah.. i knew her feeling…eventhough, i am the person that easily getting hurt.. n sensitive but i can go through it.. n easily calm down.. coolllll she’s ma boss and if i’m on her shoes. i will feel the same way ooso….yah… n aku slalu sabar… 6.00pm:prepared to go home… before that.. i bought that pencuci pinggan…roti.. n peanut butter..huhu whooohhhh.. owiz met famie thre… at the sundry dpartment.. bout 6.40pm, sampai umah… cry hide n he called me back! asking him.. wat he did on the whole monday….? hurmmm yah.. skyping wif the gurl**.. n i felt..:(.. jelousy n all the -ve thought came through me again… yah!! wat he said..” its not that bad as wat u think?!!”… yah hopefully he was rite…wat else can i do aight? ?? juz trust on him…he was so far awayy…… then, in y.m.. he was ceting wif that nenek! argh once again… benci.. yah.. -ve mind…n thoz hormon.. controlling ma brain….influenced ma mind!!!- keep asking ma self? wat so interesting bout chating wif other person we dunno, when we oredi have a special ones in hart..??? is that any convinience?maannnnn…… hate ittt…time goess by.. n i’m cool back to normal!! hikss.. after saw his cuti lil face… stop ceting wif him… when he watch the “ainori”… then, i log off.. n… wucing muvi oso… call him for bout 30seconds.. n he said he will call me when he want to sleep… yahhh.. nearly 12… n mate pon dah ngantukss.. to the slumberrr… ZZzzzzz…(wuargghhhhhhh)………..

ayue at 9:39 PM

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Sunday, September 19, 2004

yeaaaahhhh!!!!! wakEE up… eighTt sumtingggg inde muning….. hurrrmmm n woke up from ma dreammmm n i dream bouTT hide.. truSS misCALL diee… n reply me bacKKK… try to caL him.. but… die xmo angkat coz die xmo..tipoN kteeee maHALLL.. so he called me back!!!huhuh…yelooooo…..gudmurninggggg,,, ma beb booo….. ;;)….!!! …. wat to do ?? hurrrrmmm kemas2 ma home sweet home… :X….. kemas ma bilikkk titun…. n watching mesian idols…then,,, then…. at to do??? hurrrmmmm today… juz gayuting n ceting wif Hideee… nuting mucchh interstinggg…happened… hurrmmm nite tuh…. kene marah ngan mum coz xsusun lagi borang UPSI… huhuhuhu.. ma fault.. suke buat kije last2 minitt…then,Zul tipon… huhuhu… he owiz marah ngan aku coz xmessage or call dieee.. hihi once again!! soweii zul!!… then, ma uncle n his cutie lil driver dtg tido umah aku… huhuh.. from jaybeeee…. hurrr,,,, as ussual laa.. i hd to kemas2 all the things… sediakan bilik tuk die.. huhu… n that nite continuing…. cetinggg… skyping.. n gayuting wifff Hide.he called me…… huhuh…. till ma mate dah ngantuKKKSSsss…. wuarghhhhhhhhhhhh……..tata….

remarkS:**kene marah ngan Hide coz miscal umah die… buat die dc… download… soweii,,, coz i dunno… soweeeiii

listening to : Mr. Children – Kurumi

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moment to remember… Sunday, Sep 12 2004

music :

Saturday, September 18, 2004

nUtiNg tO sToWiEEEEEE……. waKe uPPPP moonInGGGg……. n g to go woRKKK!!! huhuhu… n the stowieee wuz the Sameee….. huhu!!!worksssss…n suCKKK!!!!~~…….Malasssss skunGGG ni dunno y… asIk tadeee mooDD naK kiJErrr… arGHGHH…. ariNie.. adE CikGu tuh sOh ajarrr guna softwaRe kat sCanneR tuh.. aDUhh… nak ajaR ponnn buKan reTi sGT.. naK kene Take tiME… taKpelahh… Kire aDe gaKs kijer mengaJAr w/pun bIT teNsi gaKS.. ajar OranG xpaham2… hihihi.. saBau jer laaa… ….

huRMm.. arIni.. cuStomerr biT ramAi gaKS laaaa… normaL la.. SaTurDAyyy… huhu… tp.. byK stuDents UniKL dTg… hurmMM… ade sowaNg stuDenT uiTM ni carik Cattridge…bli catridge sampai tadee duItt..hihi… tp, sBB uncLe baik.. so die banjer thiz guy ni makaN…maCam2 ciTEr la…arini….
arIni…. akU haBis kiJer kuL 6.30..bLk2 gi bLi friekiss tuK ma Juni…n then bout 6.48… kiter pon blk….lepaK2… n toniteeee.. asIk gayutt jer dgN Hide… sampai 1.30am kott.. since kuL 8.00 lebeyy die cal… stop.. mkn..till hbs card tuh..n die bli lg.. continue balik…. ntah ape ciTEr pon.. tatauu… till mate aku rs ngantuk sGTTT…n tetidoooooo….. gud nite then….. :X…:-* hueemmmm… ape yg plg penting….. we both know…we luv each other… n wont let go….

ayuee teame at 1:29 PM

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Thursday, September 16, 2004

tudayyyy.. stoweiiii… ihihii.. worrkkssss penattt!! arghhh cakit kaki akuh niee… hurrmm…. ape yg besh.. pon, ttg kijer??… huhuhu… everyday.. luking through the mirror.. tgk lil kidiee.. Methodist Tadika depan tempat kije aku nari-nari.. cute je hihihi…..:P….as usual laaa… after 6.00 baliksss… arghhh penah je rase nak drive (……..

ayuee teame at 9:24 PM

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Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Hurmm…same stori…. hd to work!! n work… wake upp bout 8.00 n missed call Hide… n kite gi Mandi, n ma mum angkat… soweiii…mandiee.. bile kite cal blk, kite plak xdgr…n xjwb… gi kije bout 9.05am sampai…blk kuL 6.10pm as ussual laa…..

hurrmmm… blk Kijerr.. rs letih gilossss n titun.. wake up2, tgk dah kul 8.00pm.. hihii.. letih sgtt.. then, rase mcm nak cal Hide, tp kite cal direct.. n he call me back! hikss.. hurrrmmm boraks2.. till pewutt rs lapau… hikss… n pegi mkn.. mum masak ikan masak lemak.. lamer xmamss.. hiks… then, continue online.. skype wif Hide… tp die cam bz ceting wif Sharifah tuh aku trasa laks.. hurmmm.. then, aku layan la Firdaus yg asik2 merajuk.. arghh.. tensi betui… trus aku steath setting kan die to permenantly offline, didnt mean todo that tp, cam terpakse nak buat kan … .. sbb aku dah xlarat ngan sikap die tuh!!!.. hurmmm.. then, teteibe Slym online.. bit lame xcet ngan sharul.. amik pic seksi die..hihuhuhu.. then, sbb nie… buat Hide majuks ngan aku.. hurmmm.. hurmm didnt meant to hurt him coz i luv him more than thiz..hurmm, then.. probs ni makin teruk biler.. Slym cal aku… n he call me again…hurmm..coz die kene stay opis.. bit latee..!! hurmm biler dah bout 12 sumting…mate aku cam ngantukss… juz skype ngan hide…n masing2 mcm emo.. ntah la.. maybe he’s rite.. kalo kite dah close n syg sangat kat org tuh.. juz small2 thing pon leh jadi hurt.. n kite akan fikirkan…hurmm thiz is wat we called LUV..sumtimes.. makes us eepy.. n sumtimess.. hurtt..!!n pain…aku pun rs peliks.. i neva got thiz kinda feelinggg… pain…but still… go on wif it.. maybe luv aku lebih dr rase pain tuh…hurmm, aku rase aku jahat coz.. ckp “jangan buat lawak bodohh eehhh !!” maybe words tuh buat die trasa.. n i’m really sori, coz kite tgh mad!!temper… n cant control itt!!~~i knoww… maybe kite xbley fikirr futuree wif him coz i neva meet him n xde ape leh kite buat..even.. maybe aku pernah ade create object die dlm fantasy aku.. same as he too..~i only can hope n pray for itt.. n i trust him, tu je yang boleh kite buat skung nie…trust him.. neva cal anyone, or skype wif any1…n trust him ..when he said.. he remember me omos everytimes..n he luv me-only me!n wif that gurl?..i juz have to sabar-n continue ma sabrrr…..even, sumtimes.. dlm pale otak akuh nie fikirrr…. whr ma luv is?if thez other luvss..oso?? puhhhh lizzzzz….. all i know… i juz luv himmm…n dun wanna cry in pain again…. tak tau la sampai kul bape die borak ngan aku, after twelve die cal.. till nearly 2.00am maybe… till mate aku n die dah ngantuks.. ntahla.. i juz hope, he will sleep after thizz.. i hope noone will cal him, after he said i luv u to me….n let me be the last he think.. before he sleep……

GUD NITEEEE.. taaa…

ayuee teame at 7:10 PM

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Tuesday, September 14, 2004

I HATEEEE TODAYYYYYYYY!!!!

i dunno…. hurmm… 6.30am aku dah terjaga… n cal Hide… hurmmm…. n i wuz sad.. try to forget bout last nite….bab kene marah tuh, hurmm faham.. bukan slah die, coz die br bgn tido… n kite lupekan.. w/pun terasa skitt..:(.. hurmmm…. then… die soh ayu carik lain… its hurt me… i’ll find others if he wanted to…, die buat aku sedihhh.. arghhh, tetibe emo.. n kuar air mate..!!cant control ittt… wat does he feel saying that wordS?…wat does he meant/?maybe thiz week aku akan jd emo sensitive sgt… i can feel itt…tp, even aku sakit n sedih camner pun.. it wont changed anytings…ntahla… neva let go… but… u let me go….:(… waiting till january?? or …asking me to walk away????

tensi!!!keje cam bluRRR…. aku rase aku xbley concentrate pd kije aku … n aku pon ade probs bile jadi camni.. kene marah ngan aunt.. keep thinkin’ everytime.. mase aku driving…:(.. sedeynyer rs… hati aku, is thiz love?…!! maybe aku xstudy susahn,xde big probs.. n maybe thiz nuting… but its still distracting me…n i cant do nuting… !! i’m juz nuting…i’m alone… noone cares except ma parents…

10.05pm:hurmmm…..letihnyer rase.. tired,,, dpn Mr. Blog nie..

BOSANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!

ayuee teame at 9:38 PM

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Monday, September 13, 2004

THE DAY..THE MOMENT…PRECIOUS…

5.45am… huhuhu.. the spirit of graduation..ma convocation day!!! huhuhu… !!!-wake up dahh~~its hard for me eceli.. butt.. had too… ,!6.25am dah mandi… n siap2.. tuk..check out.. !!7.30, had breakfast kt hotel..bekfast kat Melia ni nott so good macam kat Concorde.. but.. oteyla.. maybe.. pewutt aku dah kenyang fikir hari ni n nearly eight.. kite dah kuar from Melia.. to PGRM.. damn itt!! jalan jammed gilossss.. n i’m stuck on in!!.. pray to AL Mighty… hopefully.. sampai aaa before 8.30am.. alhamdullilah, aku turn to jalan peel… trust dapat short cut trust PGRm… hurmmm but still stuck mase parkingg.. n aku terpakse kuar dulu wif mum.. n ma “maktih” tolong carik parkingg…!! hurrmm.. arghhh… kelam-kabut!!**** aaaaa… hurmm nak pakai jubah tuh lagi n that thing yg letak atas shoulder….pening kepala… hiks….!!!huhuhu.. tp, alhadullilah… sempat laa.. mase queqe tuk perarakan masuk, ramai lagi yang xsampai.. de last ones yg sampai yelah :Why… :X.. encem die time tuh…. guys course aku sum namapk macho, dieorang pakai complete suit so.. nampak handsome aaa.. girl lak.. comey2.. tp, bile dah pakai jubah tuh, dah xnampak dah sume tuh…hihihi.. …!! but sedey gaksss… maybe to day wud be the last day spending time ngan dieorang… n die shakir…zam.sukri ..n shai.. nak gi Coventry dah.. yang len2 lak.. maybe futher kat tempat lain… arghhhh ….sedeynyerrrr… ady…tasha…n etc…. tringat aa sume2 dieorg…all the memoriess… wif Y, Shakir n sukri…..Shasha.. tasha… member lunch sesame.. kat gerai luar college kedai ibu…everyday, mesti lunch same dieorg… !! wif Zam… membe gaduh… shasha..!!wif Liana, Mai… membe project!! master prog… !!so boleh dpt markah lebey ngan dieorang…(take advantages ni)!!.. wif adi & Ida.. membe mapleyy memalam n membe hang out…. n oso wif Y..!!- tringat shakir n Sukri.. membe cab aku mase kat Riveraa… huhuuhu..pepagi, sesame naik cab ngan die org gi kolej, mase sem1-2… ..wif sara- weirdo!! huhuhu… thiz gurl i dunno laa… huhu.. Sara..!!the debater gurl in clas.. ade je rs xpuas hati.. n maybe noone likes her attitudes… she the bala..bla… but.. die otey je ngan aku… Hikss…!!Yati.. de sopan santun gurl…wif azie.. hikss.. (ingat trajedi kat pangkor.. wif Azie.. sedey betuiii )….Azie rajin… n she a gud2 gurl… dapat anugerah dekan lagi tuh n anugerah perak.. giler aaa… …hurmmmm…sape lagi…!!???….

terinagt lagu Vitamin C :
“Graduation (Friends Forever)”

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we’re gonna be when we turn 25I
keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won’t be coming back
No more hanging out cause we’re on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don’t have another day
Cause we’re moving on and we can’t slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn’t know much of loveBut it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We’d get so excited, we’d get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life’s not fair
And this is how it feels

[1] – As we go on
We remember
All the times we…Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still beFriends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker m
Will Heather find a job that won’t interfere with her tan?I keep, I keep thinking that it’s not goodbye
Keep on thinking it’s a time to flyAnd this is how it feels
La, la, la, la:Yeah, yeah, yeahLa, la, la, la:We will still be friends forever
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?Can we survive it out there?Can we make it somehow?I guess I thought that this would never end *And suddenly it’s like we’re women and men*Will the past be a shadow that will follow us ’round?Will these memories fade when I leave this townI keep, I keep thinking that it’s not goodbye*Keep on thinking it’s a time to fly

hurmm konvo tuh abis nearly 1pm.. aduh.. bile abiss.. puas aa cari ma mum… tp xjumpe..coz ramai gilos org…nak cal plak xbley coz hs kat ma mum… (… last jumpe gaks! hikss.. jumpe2 je ma mum die kiss kiter.. hikss n then ma maktey plak…hihijhdapat two bouque of roses n lilies dr dieorg beshnyer… hurrmmm.. then, mak cakap ade owang cal nak hantar bunag.. but ma hs dah block! salah masuk pin code … then, kite kene cal Maxis tuk retrieve puk no…. then, kite cal org hantar bunga tuh.. soh die hantar kul 2.00pm, tp dlm 1.15 die dah sampai.. dah la aku bz dgn sesi photography.. haaa.. tensi.. n hectic!! but… last2 sempat gak amik bunga tuh.. n .. i know.. its form Hide.. thanks lot.. really appriacate it.. i really hope.. i’m the 1st n last for him.. to accept the bouque.. hopefully.. …. the words inside it.. wuz so meaningful to me.,, let me jott in here….
“My Precious Ayu,”…” Congrates! Really proud of u… though i’m not thre, u know i’m alwiz there in your hart…”"moi pou toi” – Much luV – Hide..&
today oso ma 9th month anniversary knowing Hide… rase touched jer….

continue dgn sesi photography… but ma camera gotta probs.. dpt amik 10keping jer.. coz battery die dah nak abis.. arghh sedey giloss.. rase ///… hurrmm…..tp..nak uat caner.. … arghh letey betui rasee… pukul 3.00camtuh..dah stuck kat ujan… tp aku terpakse berlari g parking kete, amik kete sian plak tengok maktih…paktih n ma mum.. berdiri… huhuh..under the rain…!!.. trus balik… ikut highway.. onthe way.. lunch kat seremban.. mase tuh dah 4 sumting… lapar to the max aaa… …sampai umah bout.,,, 5 oclock.. trus cal Hide.. die mase tuh kat Lab.. hurmm, saje kaco die..!!cal him up.. say ma thankful to him… for that bouque of pink roses… n dok boraks2 bout everytinggg…ss…..hurmmm bout ma konvo ekceli… hihihi…

hurmmm……then, pas kite borak ngan die.. i fell asleep.. bout 7.40 br bangun…huhuhu……!!letih.. coz as usualla.. jadi driver nie.. ngantuk to the max mase drive td pon, kene drive gaks!!…red bull kene stand by jer..hihi… that nite, aku install Skype.. quite nice aaa internet pone cet ekceli.. much more cler compared to y.m vc..then.. sudenlyy.. biler aku surf2 n fikir bout skype.. all the negetives thought tu dtg.. n i juz thinkinh bout her… tteibe aku jad bad moodd….!!!etibe aku rase jelesss…then, bile jadi camtuh!! aku jadi tension… n sedeyyyy .. bile cal die…aku kene marah gaks.. ngan die… die tengking aku… argh!!sebak je rase… … try to sleep///n hati aku sedih… aku try pujuk hati aku… gud nite…

ayuee teame at 9:32 PM

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Sunday, September 12, 2004

7.15am keep thinking… early inde muning…3.40am, i cant sleep n i call hide up.. sowei disturbing u early inde muning.. but he said.. itsok..he feel like talking wif his **** issit? funny!!he called me back coz i called direct line…dunno the topic..!!maybe bout “Dia”.. the lyrical bit confusng.. wat is the exact meant of it?? urmmm.. 7.30a.. packing all ma stuff. to day nak g keyel.. tomoloo will be ma graduation day.. at last… hurm, tuday i leav e ma home, ma hide.. hurmm..

7.50am:..sudenly ma mind trinagt the last2 nite thing.. n it hurt me..!!noh puhh lissss.. dunt start again.. enuff all the pain.. i juz think bout him, the positive things.. hopefully it can make maself clear..all the mess in ma brain!- hide, du u luvs me the way i luv u?? du u meant it??!!ur words.. i’m the only ones he luv.. trust him, n face hez weakness n his bad!!yah…i jz hope he’s knew wat he’s duing…n plan to do…!!how can i stop maself..to think bout thiz.. but if this only the creation of dream.. let it be the greastest dreamm…eva!!**

8.05am: bit ngantuk.. nap for a while… 5 minutes is enuff.. ZZzzzzz
gonna miss ****..

wake up oiTTT!! wake up…!!!hihi.. bout 9.30am.. kite bertolak after ma pakteh n makteh.. came…huhu.. as usual lah i’m the driverrr~~ adeyyy.. yelahhh dulu kecik2 dieorang jadi driver bawak kite, rite now bile dah beso…its ma turn plak.:P…
hurmm.. had bekfas kat highway Semban.:P.. n met ma oldskul Sc Muar, Pengetua.. Mr Suratman.. hihi.. xsangka arghh leh jumpe die.. hihi.. after 5years tuhh… hihi, die dah bersara dah rupenye!! okkkk…. adiosss mr.suratmennnn..:P
hurmm… wat to sttowiee.. huh??yah!!~~sampai keyel kat college bout 11.30a.m,then amik ma jubah n all the konvo stuffs..!jumpe tasha.. tp sbb nak rush.. xsempat nak sembang lame ngan die.. xpe.. tomowooo kite jumpe agi!!…ma dad cal die dah check in kan hotel tuk kiter owang…kat melia bkt bintang, i know that hotel.. after finished benda2 tuh.. so i drive g Melia.. sampai2 n trus check in.. huhuhu.. not bad thiz hotel,dad dah sponsor 2 duluxe room tuk kiteowang.. n luckily, every room ade pc!!huhu… trus online.. n ceting wif ma belovinggg huneyy Hide..while tgh mesian Idols.. hihi..:P,Hide soh downloal skype.. but xbley plakk.. … huhuhu… after Zuhur.. kiterowang kuar… jenjalan…then, in the evening.. g umah ma abg Yusri kat Bandar Tun Razak.. hurmmm lame xgi umah die,, sib baik ingat gak jalan… hhihi.. kat sane.. met kat Rini n ma 2 comey2 anak buah Tahirah & Tahqif, hurrmm Tahirah.. nak kuwusss…!!hurrmm swimmingg die upenyer… hiks…Takqif stil comey agi… lepak there till dinner.. hurmm… then ma akak lagi satu came wif her husben..huhu.. n all ma anak buah, Haris, Ziyat n Daniel.. hihii..:P, after borak2… n crita2.. kiter owang pon balik hotel… hurmmmm.. sampai hotel, kiter try jubah.. n de ting yg pening sgt pakai tuh!tensi betui.. dunno how to wear that thingg.. hurmmm.. last!!i’m gv up! then.. iron jer sume stuff tuh… @@ekceli mum yg iron.. coz i bz… talked wif Hide..hihi… bfore that ma fwen.. Sharul call n wish me congrates for tomolooo!! hurmmm then, ma hide.. call.. n borak2 ngan die.. till dunno… hurmmm… n he said he had fall in luv wif ayue…issit? xmo sekejap pon die xappreaciate kiter..alaahaaiii swwweeetttnye words die… hopefully he meant it..wif his hart, same mcm die ckp…”die ckp dr hati…”!even he’s a romie.. butt.. kiter tau, hati die…!!:) ckp ngan die till end of his minutes..then, kite dah start baring.. n finishing iron baju kite..then online for while.. !!gotta cal from famie.. n he wish me gd luck too…mekaceh… then.. kite pon titun… ..ZZzzz.. hurmmm xsabar tunggu esok!!!

ayuee teame at 7:43 AM

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a moment to rremember…. Sunday, Sep 5 2004

music :

Saturday, September 11, 2004

I wanted you to know
I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph
I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome

And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away
You’ve gone away, you don’t feel me, anymore
The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like
I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away………….. Broken….
wat to do???…??today work! work… n work!! saturday wud be the bz day!! lotsa work!!tensi.. n etc2… yeh!! arini amik spec bauuu… abis rm350..:( hikss.. !!then.. mase nak blk kijer kite g bli tudung konvo tuh!! aduhh puas carik yg berkenan kat ati, last ade guks…7.05pm: sampai umah… ujan arini.. sejuk ajer..:)… xuat ape pon, lepak2 kat umah sambil bace paper…mase time kijer, Hide asik miscal2 aku..but i cant reply it back!!nomore kredit left in ma pone…:( 8.32pm, Hide cal me up..time tuh aku tgh bc paper.. gayut ngan die bout 35minutes.. then,kiter dinner.. n tgk tv jap.. then online….ceting oso wif Hide.. !!tunite offline awal…11.45dh abis, then.. Hide call me up..again.. borak ngan die bout crocodiles,harimau…mount of kinabalus..etc2… dunno till when…the talked ended..maybe till both of us wuz not inde mood to talk-sleepy!_ nite then…Zzzz..

ayuee teame at 11:23 PM

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Friday, September 10, 2004

morning..: woke uP at 8 in da morning… work!!

10.oopm:i juz dunt understand….y ?? huh… juz wanna cry rite now?nape all thiz happened to me??y must me?..ape yg aku nak buat?? maybe aku mangsa keadaan?i have to know everythings… hurt…!!y must bcoz of her.. i have to forgt him- he didnt care ma hart n ma feeling when he said that words- or he wanted me to walk away???!!y must i feel sad??yah its start when i became so kay-poo-chee, asking him bout her, n the answers only wud made me hurt!!..?!!How does he feel??maybe for him.. thiz no big deal-but not me if he luvs me y must …arghhhh!!..where am i?where/?sitting on chair-duing nuting???yah.. i’m nuting.. i know..!!pethetic me..*-n my past..

22.53: dunno wat he’s duing… i juz keep thinking… n asking ma self.. till when? all thiz will over!!~ i juz want to luv him.. wif no wonders..wif no suspicion, n negetive thought…….n trust him!!want him till no end…but i cant!

hurmm…
**ma hart still crying.. n so damn hurt!!- lovers wud do anyting for their luvs .. even its hurt.. so do I
..n i’ll do the same… continuing ma hurt.. till i dunno, maybe.. till i gv up~~ or he want me to gv up!-
after all the words, the feels n oso “muahhhh”…that he already gave me… !! huh… both of us wr
hurt.. ma fault… ** i tried to chear up.. forget all the sadness… when i called him bout 12 sumting till
end of ma card, 1 hour 30minutes… but even i smiles.. n laugh.. but, deep in ma hart.. i owiz feel bit
hurt..n i dunno…wut todo…?? n keep asking maself why..bla..bla…?? n till when is gonna be
ended???…am i the precious…ones??in his hart liked he said before?? am i?… am i the only ones
that he luv?..does he thinks bout me..like i do?do he care bout me?like i do ?keeping a watchful
eye on him in everything he done?…y he let other person luvs him?n he becomes the supporter
too …courage that person,comfort her??neva let her hurt n feel down( hate to think bout thiz)…!!n
how bout me & i’m the only person that hv to face all that,the fact ????? maybe he’s rite..sumtimes, we
shud put our foot on other shoes.. feel it..!!!but…shud i duit??shud i put ma foot in??’m juz feel
lone now.. even i trust his luv.. but deep in ma hart..i dunno.. i dunno.. i juz in pain…~~i feel like i cant stand anymore!! can i still standing?..but, i blurrrrr… n i broken.. when i’m lonesome…
listening to : Mr. Children – Kurumi

ayuee teame at 9:05 PM

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Thursday, September 09, 2004

im nutinggg,,,,

ayuee teame at 11:08 PM

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Wednesday, September 08, 2004

i juz sitting here…………

n ma hart wuz crying…!!n i cant resist itttt….tunite… end?

ayuee teame at 10:50 PM

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tuesday:

wake up inde muninggg…g kijerrr…huhu.. arini kijer penaTT, aku pon xrase not feeling well sgT..:( macam nak kene flu..:((~~ kijerr pon cam tak larat tp terpakse gukss… .. drive baliK pon cam tak larattt rase nak tetidooo ajerrr… mase drivingg…

blk2.. resT2 n titun.. jaP…!!then online…of coz wif ma hide…bfore sleep call die.. die pon nak titun awl.. coz penat, so tunite is my turn to call him.. but kejap jer..coz die ckp nak titun n asked me to wake him up biler aku terjaga coz die ckp nak uat h/w… 11.30camtuh kiter dah titun… Zzzz…mesti sbb mkn ubat batuk tuh..hihii

bout 4.45a.m kiter terjaga,… n truss cal Hide.. huhuhu.. sore die cam blom titun, betui pon die ckp die xley titun n br 2 hours titun dgr bunyi taufan…n had a bad dream.. bunuh2 agi.. huh…ngeriiii~~sembang2 die till 5.30am …

ayuee teame at 1:02 AM

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Monday, September 06, 2004

MORNING…

7.24am:Hide uaT wakE uP caL…die bgn awL arini… kiter continue titun n wake up bout 9.3oam..
mum dah kujutt.. adyusshhh malassssnyer rase nak banGUn..!!theN truS onliNee….Mandii n
WanGI2.. teNgoK..Hide adeerr.. die Dah bGN…n aVe ceT wiF hIM… saMbiL siaP2 kiTer meSSage
diee….
11.05aM : berToLAk gi KL… sinGGAh jaP kaT kedaII beLI brG thEN.. 11.30am bertolak.. sampaii
keyeL boutt 12.40pm tRUS gi DewaN wawasan PGRM tuK beresskan benDA2 tuk KOnvo…
rm47.00 tuk phoTo.. hurMM 1sT persOn yG juMpe yeLAh sara.. huhuhu Sara …taPi die
xsemPat raPTai coz die skunG verY bz womaN…HHUuhh daHH kiJER marketING adVisor kat AIA
tuh.. gaJI pon basic RM2100 ..de car, n rite now.. dah de bF!!huhuh…maCAm2… seconD persoN
jumpE yelahh my belovedd babyy boo ShasHA.. n oso.. Y… sHasha…koRek raHsie die jUmpe her
tuin-tuin..yesterdaYY.. n Y plAk cam namPak lebeyy hansomee..hIKS…sHasha caMe wiF
Y..togetherr2.. tHEn…kiTER juMPee.. tasHAA..plaKK… huRm.. mcm2 crita laa.. kiTERowang
sembanGGG… huGG theM uL..n mUahss oso…!!tHEn,, JumPe DiaNaa.. Yathie..mosTly member2
kiTER suMe dah Kijer…n Met EijA oso… TheN, maSE uAt perarakkaN masUK tuh.. terperaSan
AdY,LiaNA…IDA..Azi…YAn.. & Mai ( hihji..she oready got bf skunG!!~~) HISK..tHen, juMpe.. ShaIZA,
sHAkiR n Sukrii oso….huRmm cuMe Zam jeR tader^^..huRm Shai,ZAm n SukRI.. daH naK fly
Coventry dah tHiz 18 SepT….wisH them aLL thE besssttt…!!raPtai tuhh weNT smoothy
aaarrr…4.30 br abiSS…tHen… kiTEr kuAR laa..!!huhuhu.. wat a baD daYY!!CAnerr ntah.. TEtiber
maSe nak kuaR parkING, aku leh Langgar teMbokk!!habISSS…kete aku (…bout 7.40pm:sampai
umah…bout 8.15pm: Hide caLL time tuH..materr kiTER ngaNtuk sGT2…boRAk nGAn diE tiLL
nearLy 9oclock!!….tHen, kuL 10.oopm,trY tgK tb.. tP ciTER xbeSHHHH, ciTER haNTU.. taKUT palK
nak laYan sowaNG2…so..kiTER conTinUee oNlinE…dowNloaded LaGU2 ompUtiH baru…hIkss…
vindicated***..bfore titun… hIde cal..12.24am.. till 1.40am.. till end of hiS card!..n that nite.., sad story
had been appeared within the talked..!!touchyy…huh..dunt let the day goes by…n dunt wanna
think boutt iT..coz the mosT important things..is luV** between uS!n promised not to talk bouT iT
again ..let it be my eppy endINg…:X

listening to : Seether & Amy Lee – Broken

ayuee teame at 10:38 PM

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Sunday, September 05, 2004

luvly….Sundaaayyyyyy……
woke up at 9.00am… uhuhuh..had to wakee upppp!!!…huhuh….mum dah bisInG2.. adeYY cakiTT tIngerr… tudaYY kiTe naK sopING2.. huRRmmm…. 11.30a.m caM tuhh beRtolaK g KeyeL..nak gI miD VaLLeyy.. bLi stuFFs n ul thinGS.. bebaRU tuKK ma KonVO ti.. hihi..!!!huhu.. round n round from north to south Midvalleyyy.. perGhh ramai Gilosss owanG nak ParkinG satU haL hurMM daH sampAi Zon F…hiKS… meManG saKIT kalO nak ParkiNG siTUh, tapii xoZ lebeY muwaaahhhh n senanG kaT paRKING so, i preFer n rather.. to sopIng2 theree……aBis sopIng truSS balIK jer… dlm kuL 6.00pm dah samapai umaaahhh…..ondeway hoMe tuh… Hide miscaL2 kiTEr.. i thought….kite daH diluPerkann!:(……. eVerYYY kilOmeterss between.. froM peJayy to ma hOme.. i’been thinkiNG boUT him..dunnoo y… hIKss.. sampai2 jeR kiTEr cal dier bout 1 minute n 30 seconds.. hIKSS.. taDE duwiittt naK caL laMEE.. …tHen.. DiE cKP die NaK chaRge caRD…yeh!!… huRRmm… kiTER.. caL ma lil bro Azrii.. huRmmm lamerr giloSS xtipun diee… so igv him a call..hIKS wish hIM ud Luckk tuk finAL.. huhu rs die bit nervousss tuk 1sem finaL ni, so… aku sebaGai his lil sis yG dah ber-xtra-xperienceed.. bg tiPS tuk die… :X..hIKS… tHEN…boUT 7.00PM.. hIde CAL.. tiLL 7.40 koZ nak magriBS.. boraKS ngan Die boUT 2nd choices..physically..handsome..n huduhh.. n etc2…:P- tapi satu soklan die xjawaB lagi.. ape die buaTT hari niii?he didnt anwer iT:(!!…..wut tudu afterr gayut???gI “douce”…wanGii2 n tuNai’n kewajipAnnn…:).. n onLinee.. hurMMMM…tringat taDi bace megaZine bouttt….routines boyfren liess!! huh!!= trust? or neva/?..wen men said “I forgott…” n they said ” i dunt lie to u sweat hart”…etc2..!!bile fikirr kkdNg issue2 niee leh cayer gukss.. then, i read bouT secret of a guyy!!….to be contiuned…

9.30 till 10.30pm: tengoK smallVille…hihii… clarkkk..!!
10.30pm: continued onlineee…. duingg the y.m stuffs!!demn itt!!caner aku tuKo aku nyER nick
erid_00 ni jd Ayue!!:((..
1.00am.. stop online!!bengang skiT ngaN hiDE…
1.12a.m: hide cal…till 2.45a.m……hurmm till end of hiS card!!..:(..quite lamer guKs..total time card
die..2hours ++, kalo kiter bli i-talk 1 hour n 59minutes for thirty bug!-remembered wat he said lasT
niTE…owiz..
niter… muaHSS.. :-*

“indah..terasa indah…bila kita terbuai dlm alunan cinta, sedapat mungkin terciptakan rasa,
keinginan saling memiliki……tetaplah menjadi bintang dilangit…agar cinta kitakan abadi..biarlah sinarmu tetapmenyinari alam ni…agar menjadi saksi cinta kita berdua… “-kasih tak Sampai

ayuee teame at 8:41 PM

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